2025 End-of-Year Reflection

Friends, family, loved ones, 

The sun has set and the night chill is setting in on this last day of 2025. Tomorrow, I will spend the first day of the year not with a hatsuhinode hike in Okinawa, but standing 24-hour duty on the U.S.S. Bataan in Norfolk, Virginia. It has taken a long time for me to feel in the right headspace to write this year's reflection. I'm a solid three months into the long PCS (Permanent Change of Station) transition between commands, between countries. 

Tonight feels appropriate. 

The brief: Still in the Navy. Still single. Still madly in love with Nalerie, now 6. Filled with deep gratitude for an incredible 3rd year in Okinawa and with optimism for this new chapter in Virginia. 

The month-by-month recap: 

January: 

• Had a great birthday gathering at my house to kick off my goal of leaning more into the social space it offered. I continued this with smaller, "fourth Friday" gatherings most of the rest of the year.
• Took a few days of birthday leave to paint and reflect at a cabin at Okuma Beach, a military recreation facility in Oki. There were about two other people there since it was the off-season, and it was best gift to myself. Way better than lines at Tokyo Disney (I can only assume...since I opted for the beach instead of the park). Between my E-o-Y reflection and this early-January retreat, I spent a lot of time focusing on my goals for 2025--less achievement-based and more how to spend my days. 
• Began Nav105 
• Learned that I had been selected for my first-choice orders. I had requested the only ship available in my orders window and, apparently, made a compelling case.  
• Participated as an EMT in a joint American-Japanese multi-command exercise simulating an airplane crash and resulting rescue efforts.

Hatsuhinode hike:
seeing the first sunrise of 2025

TeamLabs: a birthday treat and one of my
favorite parts of Japan

  

Winter getaway at Okuma

February: 

Hmm. I have no specific memories of February, other than grinding on...in the best way. 

March: 

• Bryce & Ronda visited, and we spent a week traipsing around the island, visiting some of my favorite attractions and checking out new ones. My friend Kazuma-san took us to have our first pachinko (a sort of slot-machine gambling) experience, and we spent Bryce & Ronda's big winnings checking out the Japanese McDonald's offerings afterward. It was awesome to share many long convos as we drove all over the island! 
• Completed NAV105 and with it, the 5-course Naval Studies Certificate through the U.S. Naval Community College. 
• At the urging of a professor, spent the last two weeks writing a submmission for the annual Naval Institute's Enlisted Essay Contest. 

Big money right here

April: 

• Won FY25Q2 Sailor of the Quarter. While a fine honor, this one felt less sweet, as I had won two quarters previously and didn't want to give any impression of being self-serving or accolade-seeking in my career.
• Went to observe my friend Kirara's Okinawa dance rehearsal...and was invited to join the group's rehearsals, which I attended whenever possible for the remainder of my time.

May: 

• Took the Space-Available gamble and spent 3 weeks in CO, SD, and ND. My "cushion" time in Seattle allowed me to reconnect with good friend Simon and his wife Chelsea and to meet their two children, as well as to recover a bit from jetlag. My nephew Caleb's graduation was a great opportunity to see all of my family in rapid succession, though we never did have all of us in the same place at the same time. I enjoyed seeing Anne & Evan's place (my birth home!) in CO Springs and road-tripping with them up north. I was also fortunate to spend quality time with numerous friends from Peace Corps and Eckerd. Becky, Mom, & I drove to ND to see the Sutton-Talleys, and I spent several days with Nalerie & her family in their ND home. 
• Learned my essay had won second prize in the essay contest and would be published. 

With the graduate...Augustana bound!

New Coloradans

June: 

• Back in Oki, I started preparing for an August art exhibit...with very little plan. Finally, I got to use my third bedroom as the art studio I had always imagined it to be!
• Explored relationship possibility with a playful, focused Marine. Though we ended the relationship cordially in early July, we had some lovely moments together.
• Paddled in one sayonara race at Ikei island with a new team formed by several Nirai Kanai vets.

Ikei Island beach race!

July: 

• Painting became my main outside-of-work focus. 
• Spent one night camping, SUPping, and sunbathing at Okuma before the Independence Day rush...and several days recovering from the sunburn.
• Received my hard-copy orders to the U.S.S. Bataan (LHD-5), an amphibious assault vessel homeported in Norfolk, Virginia. 
• Received a coin from a visiting Fleet Master Chief on his visit to Okinawa for the essay I wrote in March. Though not yet published, my CO had previously shared the essay with my commmand (oops), and when the CMC asked fellow enlisted how many had read it, I was shocked (and humbled) to see the number of hands raised. Turns out, some people do read their email. 

A work in progress

August: 

• My co-worker (and friend from Fort Sam Houston days) HM3 Emily Boyer and I had our art up in the Camp Foster Library, culminating with a very informal "artist reception," which was an awesome opportunity to bring together many friends and fellow artists. 
• Co-facilitated a four-day, intensive Trauma Healing Kintsugi therapy group, including my introduction to the Gestalt method and the Empty Chair exercise: overall, a powerful experience in my growth as a BHT
• Began the long PCS process and continued to spend many outside-of-work hours completing nine packets of paperwork...from Operational Screening to various award and promotion nominations (at direction of supervisors...not because I'm arrogant). 

My "Whispers of Okinawa" series

Colleagues, friends, and fellow artists
supporting us at our reception!

September: 

• Began plotting out my transfer timeline and plan...a series of decisions, with domino effects, and a series of tasks that all must happen in a very specific order. (Moving back to the States from Cameroon, France, and Zambia was not nearly this complex.) 
• Finished my yearlong participation in "Fitnastics" adult gymnastics classes...still not having mastered a handstand, but having improved a lot in my strength and flexibility, and laughed even more. 
• Saw my essay published as an article in Proceedings, the magazine of the Naval Institute.

October: 

• Zipped to mainland for a last-minute trip prior to Stateside leave and departing permanently. Visited Tokyo, stayed in a capsule hotel, and rode the shinkasen (bullet train) to Osaka, where I stayed with Kazuma-san at his mainland apartment. There, I was introduced to the intrigue and horror of Tobita Shinchi, took a train to his hometown of Shima, tracked down Taylo-Swifto's 13th album in a Tower Records on its (underwhelming) release day, and explored (the lobbies of) Osaka love hotels until late at night. 
• Co-facilitated a weeklong Intensive Outpatient Psychological Program therapy group, my first opportunity to do so since our clinic began offering it a year prior. 
• Turned over my LPO responsibilities...doing as much as I could to have things in a good place, and giving myself grace for the tasks unfinished, the goals unmet, in a job that could never be complete.
• Once again, won the Space-A lottery to make it to SD, KS/MO, and CO for Michael's wedding. He and Megan had a wonderful ceremony and party, and our family made was all in one place at one time for the first time...likely since Anne & Evan's wedding in 2022. A bonus day in Seattle got me (finally) into the Chihuly Garden and Glass Museum--well worth it. 

Kaz and I on our long walk through Osaka

Newlyweds having their first dance

Chihuly's mesmerizing interior design inspo

November: 

• Began the flurry of farewells, including my sayonara paddle with the dragonboat team and my last apartment gathering, planned (somewhat foolishly) for exactly one week before my apartment move-out date. 
• Reenlisted in the Navy, which effectively ended my first contract and started my second...overall, changing my End of Service date from September 2027 to December 2028, which allowed me to accept the 3-year Bataan orders. 
• Received a beautiful resin-art paddle and kokeshi doll from my co-workers over farewell Blue Seal ice cream. 
• Experienced PCS magic and reestablished belief in a loving God because somehow, the furniture disappeared, the shipment was ready on time, and the place was cleaned on time. Next time, I'll space this out a little more.
• Spent a fantastic last weekend soaking in Okinawa's sights and relationships: a 6-mile WOOT run; hike with Bryce's group; SUPping on the ocean; and a dinner party with Amy, David, Kazuma, Rachel, Kirara, Andrea, & Joe. I was deeply grateful to spend my last, "homeless" week with Andrea & Joe at their gorgeous penthouse and with Jacob, Elisha, and Maggie, where I had house/petsat on numerous occasions. 
• Spent a great last week checking out at work, finishing up tasks and turning over any last responsibilities. Completed my Battle Field Acupuncture certification at the eleventh hour, and had several last meals with friends like Laura, Rob, and Dr. Tapps.
• Flew away from Okinawa on a route I now knew well. About 24 hours later, landed in Bismarck and was welcomed home by snuggles with my favorite six-year-old. 
• Spent several days in ND, drove down to SD for Thanksgiving with my family, and began a weeklong (and not very pleasant) quest to buy a car, reactivate my American cell phone number and everything associated it, restart bank accounts, move items from storage into Mom's basement, and try to balance all this "life admin" with meaningful family time.

Sayonara paddle at Kadena Marina

Last DMH enlisted PT: wallyball!

Friends and colleagues who came
to support my reenlistment

Committing to 3 years more as a Sailor
(really, only 1 more than already in my contract)

Final farewell to Christine,
former co-worker & friend

I was awarded a NAM and MOVSM hours before
checking out of NMRTC Okinawa

Last WOOT run

At the summit of the final hike

Last night in Oki, last stroll,
last view from my favorite Sunabe corner

December:

• Settled on a lease for a 2025 Ford Bronco Sport and headed to VA with Dad, including a delightful weekend stopover in MO with Megan and Mike, and of course a stop at Deviant Kava, Wes & Anne's new shop. 
• Checked into the U.S.S. Bataan at the shipyard where it's been in a maintenance period for over a year. Spent two weeks at the Navy Lodge while apartment-hunting. 
• Reconnected with my friend Josh from our infamous corps school class 055, who flew in for a few days.
• Signed a lease for a cozy one-bedroom apartment in a facility with great community amenities (gym! makerspace! shuffleboard/pool/foosball! community events! saltwater wading pool, sunbathing patio, grills, and firepits!) and a nice location...not such a great commute to work, but an 18-minute walk from a quiet beach. 
• Celebrated Christmas with the family of my former Director at NMRTC Okinwawa, who is also now stationed in Norfolk, but at a different command. 

In my new uniform, in front of my new car,
outside the shipyard of my new command

Somewhere in there: 

• Numerous races: 5/10ks, trail run, fun run. I have forgotten when they happened, but happen they did, in addition to hikes, dives, snorkeling, SUP'ping, long walks, moments on the beach, visits to museums. 
• EMT shifts, though often quiet, resulting in 9 calls and about 7 transports, thankfully always with stable patients. 
• Quiet nights reading in bed, podcasts and audiobooks keeping me company as I painted, cooked, and cleaned.
• Farewells to friends and co-workers and the growing sensation that I was starting to see more new faces than known ones and that soon, it would be my time to transition as well.

Ayahashi races - with former dragonboat teammates!

Oki: the cutest ever

When you can't do a beach day...
do a beach hour.

Final EMT shift (before putting on my boots)

Sometimes Stand-Up Paddleboarding
is more sit-down paddleboarding...
under the koinobori for my 3rd Golden Week

We let our hair down for a birthday/farewell
dinner for our department head

Reflection: 

In The Ugly American, a cautionary tale is told of a man who leaves an overseas place motivated by where he's been...but by the time he arrives back in the U.S., these concerns and cares have become almost distant memories to him. That has felt familiar recently, as sometimes Okinawa--my beloved home less than six weeks ago--feels like a hazy mirage. This reflection is an important exercise to remind myself, and to record, the great delights of the past year. In some ways, I haven't yet been able to fully feel and process the emotions of leaving Okinawa. I have often thrilled in the change of life chapters: moving to a new place, starting a new job, making new friends. I am doing all of that now, but I must confess it's with less joy. If I've learned anything about myself, it's that my indecisiveness is rooted in analysis paralysis and that it can be almost debilitating. Whatever clicks in some people to know "this is the one"--be it a car, an apartment, or a relationship--I seem not to possess it. 

This isn't new. When I accepted admission to Harvard in 2002, I stood by a payphone during a student conference, tempted to call my mom and ask her to "please take that postcard out of the mailbox and exchange it with the one for Georgetown." When I enlisted in the Navy, I cried, then went to Chris's house and had him hold me while we listened to The Heard & The Heart's Let's Be Still. This move has felt like a series of decisions made with incomplete information. I'm signing a lease with a mileage limit, before I know what my daily commute will be. I'm choosing an apartment with or without a guest room, without knowing if a guest room would ever get used in the way I hope, whether it would justify the extra expense. I'm buying dishes and sheets, without knowing what my color scheme will be, based on what furniture I end up finding in the future for the price I want to pay. 

This sounds trite, perhaps. Of course we never have complete information. Red car or grey car, what difference does it really make? But these decisions carry weight because in their collective power, they will shape this chapter of my life. Where I live, how much space I have, how much cushion I have in my budget, what activities I take on: these will shape the life that I am crafting. Choice by choice, these are bricks I am mortaring into the house I am building without a blueprint. There is gravity in these decisions, and while I aim to enjoy the process and see opportunity everywhere, I have found the endeavor less whimsical and breezy than in the past. 

In many ways, I find myself amazed by my younger self. I did all this before...with limited financial means, without the support (though also without the paperwork burden) of the Navy, with more uncertainty and less trepidation. How often I am fueled by confidence that I can do something because I did it before...but those first times, I was fueled, perhaps, by naivete and faith. I moved to San Diego in 2009 with $1000 or so in savings, a sublet I found on Craigslist, and a desire to learn to surf. I had no job, no car, and no real plan...and in the rosy view of memory, I loved every minute of it. 

That beautiful, reflective January weekend in a cozy cabin in Okuma helped me set some goals for 2025, because (even if I've forgotten now) I often faced the same choice paralysis in Okinawa, as I reported last year. There were so many opportunities that no matter what I was doing, it was easy to think of all the things I wasn't. So I set some measurable parameters: Finish NAV105. Create art for an exhibit. Volunteer at least 5 hours/month in the Emergency Department; have a monthly gathering at my house; play piano weekly; go diving X times, hiking Y times, running Z times, and so on. I didn't hit all the marks, of course, but they provided a structure. They gave me a target, and a way to feel success and know how to divide up my time. Sometimes I was at the ED at 0200 on a Sunday or at 2200 after a full workday in clinic, but it was worth it to me to meet that goal of 5 monthly hours of skills sustainment. When I missed a hike to go on a WOOT (Women Out on Trails) run, I felt at peace with it, because I had already decided that I wanted to do a little of both in my year. 

I don't feel quite ready to set those goals here, to write those parameters. The place is too new, too fresh. There's a stack of PQSes (personnel qualifications standards) to do at work, along with completing the inevitable check-in sheet (which I'm told rarely gets finished but gets handed out at every command, anyway). The schedule is wonky due to holiday leave, so I haven't established a workout routine (and will trust my CO to help us all do that, given new requireents from our Secretary to officially incorporate physical training in every workday). Other than running around checking out apartments, treasure-hunting for household goods at thrift shops, and trying not to die in highway traffic, I haven't yet explored much of what the Seven Cities have to offer. I've had an address for only a week, so I don't even have a library card yet, much less a book club or a group of friends. It all feels full of promise, but still very, very untasted. 

A few years ago, I was introduced to the idea of having a word for the new year. Rather than a resolution, this serves as a sort of theme. For 2025, it was healing. I love this word because it is both an internal experience and an external action. We say that a wound heals--that is, the wound itself becomes restored. We say that a doctor heals -- that the doctor's actions enable a wound belonging to someone else to heal. I wanted both for 2025: to heal, internally, from the pain that I described in last year's post, and to be a source of healing to others, through my work and growth as an EMT and a BHT. It was a good choice, and I feel confident and grateful to say I have, indeed, healed, in both senses of the word. 

I'm still searching for my word for 2026. 

I know that I want to create. Painting for the August exhibit reminded me of how important it is to have a creative outlet, to stretch my imagination and my skills. Writing and painting and choreographing is labor--it's not fun and relaxing, like a bubble bath with a glass of wine and a film. But I know that I have thoughts and ideas that are begging to be explored, that only will be when I actively make the space and time for them to be released. (Read Elizabeth Gilbert's Big Magic for fascinating notions about where ideas come from, and how they move.) I had an album's worth of song lyrics that never fully congealed, never made it out of my mind, in 2024. As I go into 2026, I want to become a ship Sailor, with the magnitude of knowledge to learn as a corpsman, BHT, damage controlman, and overall sailor of the seas. And I want to maintain and improve my fitness in new ways. But I also want to continue fueling the parts of myself that are outside of the Navy: a scholar, a playwright, an artist. A believer. Shel Silverstein's Invitation once hung on my wall: 

 If you are a dreamer, come in 

 If you are a dreamer, a wisher, a liar, 

 A hope-er, a pray-er, a magic bean buyer... 

 If you're a pretender, come sit by the fire 

For we have some flax-golden tales to spin. 

Come in! 

Come in! 

I always thought of it as being an invitation to others, but as I sit here tonight, I want to extend that invitation to all the parts of me. I want to kindle a fire that welcomes in all the facets of my being, that gives them space to weave flax-golden tales, together. 

In 2014, when I lived in Portland, Oregon, I really struggled to know what I was building. I remember describing the sensation that I was standing in a metaphorical harbor, waiting for my ship to come in, but that I feared I would turn my head and miss it. (It's poignant, perhaps, that eleven years later, I found my literal ship.) In my last days of that chapter, in the last gathering at my apartment, in fact, I remember it hitting me: I've been building community. 

New to this place, now, I want to do the same. To build community and connection. As the only Behavioral Health Technician on my ship, I want to play a critical role in helping others to weather the storms, to thrive in this space. I'm so grateful already for the medical department staff, who have welcomed, supported, and inspired me. We are in good hands. 

As I reconnect with the U.S., I don't want to forget Okinawa and the people I knew there. I want to hold it in my heart and to maintain some of those bonds from this side of the great Pacific pond. I want to remember the beautiful complexity I navigated as an American service member in that place, with that history. As I transition back into this country, I want to remember the words of Amanda Gorman in "The Hill We Climb": 

And yet the dawn is ours before we knew it.

Somehow we do it.

Somehow we’ve weathered and witnessed a nation that isn’t broken, but simply 

unfinished...

 

We will rebuild, reconcile, and recover.

           In every known nook of our nation and every corner called our country, our people 

          diverse and beautiful, will emerge battered and beautiful.

          When the day comes, we step out of the shade aflame and unafraid.

          The new dawn blooms as we free it.

          For there is always light, if only we’re brave enough to see it.

 

          If only we’re brave enough to be it. 

Wishing you a dawn of 2026 filled with light, and the bravery both to see it and to be it. 

Love, 

Andrea

2024 End-of-Year Reflection

Friends, family, loved ones: 

Happy holidays! I hope this finds you well and warm. 

Taylor Swift sang my soul this year. 

For those who want the BLUF (bottom line up front): 

I’m delighted to be in my third year in Okinawa. The past year has been filled with professional achievement, personal growth, a move, trips, and connection, all accompanied by a deep void. Biggest lessons of 2024: (1) we can grieve absence without loss, and (2) like Taylor, I can do it with a broken heart. 

For those who like a chronological breakdown of wave crests: 

Jan: 

• Dad visited 

• Took a girls’ trip with dragon boat team members to Ishigaki for a 10K 

• Began USNCC Naval Studies program 

• Signed lease & prepared to move out of the barracks 

• Set boundaries with my closest friend as he entered a new romantic relationship 

Feb: 

• Moved off base & began household shopping 

• Became my department’s LPO (leading petty officer) 

Mar: 

• Completed NAV101 and began NAV102 

• Continued settling into my apartment 

• Navigated short staffing at work 

April: 

• Did my fist dives since October with a day trip on a diving boat to the Keramas, a set of nearby islands 

• Transitioned from minimal to zero contact with my no-longer-closest friend as he asked for space to sort through things in his relationship 

May: 

• Sponsored an incoming Sailor 

• Began NAV103 

• Helped onboard the wave of new staff (10 people, about 25% of our department, in 2 months) 

• Mother’s Day Ekiden race with dragonboat teammates 

June: 

• Made 2 dives in my area 

• Welcomed two new Sailors to the clinic 

• Said farewell to a close friend from Corps school 

July: 

• Long weekend trips to Yokohama/Tokyo/Kamakura and Hiroshima/Miyajima island 

August: 

• 6-week break from classes 

• Many extra work hours in preparation for TAD (temporary duty) period 

• Completed exam for national psychiatric tech certification 

• 3-day trip to Fukuoka 

• Awarded the commander’s coin 

• Led USO drawing event 

September: 

• Started TAD period as a student in our EMT course 

• Began seeing a counselor to better understand and improve a few of my family/friend relationships

• Began gymnastics 

October: 

• Finished EMT course & exam 

• Began NAV104 

• Reconnected with a former romantic partner & friend as we tried to find new space to occupy in each others' lives

• Weekend trip to Kumejima for a 10K and to support my friend Rachel in her 1st marathon 

November: 

• Bade farewell to several close friends as they left island 

• Won Sailor of the FY2024 4th Quarter 

• Completed second annual Cape-to-Cape ragnar-style run with coworkers 

December: 

• Began EMT duty & had my first three calls

• Completed weeklong training to become a SAPR VA (Sexual Assault Prevention and Response Victim Advocate) 

• All the holiday events, oh my! 

For those who like a long, introspective reflection on various themes (get a cup of something warm and cozy, and settle in): 

Navy Career 

I’m in my third year at the U.S. Naval Hospital Okinawa, where in February I became the LPO (Leading Petty Officer) of Outpatient Mental Health. I’m still figuring out exactly what this job entails, but essentially I’m the first-line supervisor of our department’s enlisted members and a point of contact for our civilian support staff and officers for a wide range of needs. This past year has been feast or famine: either managing short-staffing or onboarding multiple new staff simultaneously. We got three new enlisted Sailors in our department this year, and I’ve enjoyed having a more substantial role in the clinic. While I have a lot of administrative duties and don’t get as much patient care time as I’d like, we’re working to balance that. Our clinic did not offer Mindfulness this year, but I enjoyed co-leading our weekly DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) group with our Division Officer, a psychologist, for several months, and I’ve been able to help facilitate other BHTs getting more patient care and training in group facilitation. I truly enjoy my coworkers, my command, and the community we have both in and out of work.

The biggest change professionally was that I was approved for temporary duty to our EMT course, being excused from my job for six weeks to complete this training. I took the course in September/October and passed the NREMT exam in November. Training included “ridealong” time on station and in our E.R., and I am now back to my day job but also stand EMT duty 2-3 times a month, replacing my previous command duty as Mate of the Day on the quarterdeck. I had my first EMT calls this month and am excited for all I still have to learn in this role. Prior to the course, I completed a lengthy take-home exam to gain my national psych tech certification, earning me “NCPT2” credentials. I also completed a weeklong training to become a SAPR VA (Sexual Assault Prevention & Response Victim Advocate), a command collateral duty that has the potential to be very meaningful. Maintaining the credentials for these various titles will take continuous effort, but I am grateful for the support of both my leadership and my subordinates in pursuing these opportunities. 

Morning ambulance checks the day of my first EMT call,
22 December 2024

My efforts were recognized in two meaningful ways. In August, several colleagues and I were honored by the CO and received her coin for care we provided after hours to a high-acuity patient. I was also selected as my command’s FY 2024 Sailor of the 4th Quarter. I was humbled to stand the board in the company of other hard-working and motivated second class petty officers, and I made a couple new friends from the experience. 

With our CO, Captain Cooperman

Education 

This was a big year for learning. In addition to the EMT course, SAPR VA training, and NCPT2 certification, I completed four courses in the U.S. Naval Community College’s Naval Studies program. I took a term off for the EMT course, so I look forward to completing NAV105 to close out the program in March. This certificate represents 15 college credits and includes courses on naval ethics & leadership, naval history, naval force design, civilian/military organizations, and the geopolitical environment. As a former liberal arts student, this program has helped me dust off my studying and essay-writing skills and given me a broader context in which to place my personal military experience. I’ve enjoyed it, but I look forward to completing the program and having more evening/weekend time to devote to other pursuits. 

Life Off Base 

I moved off-base in February and spent the next months slowly prowling Facebook and used furniture stores to settle into my space. My 3-bedroom apartment is spacious and light-filled, a twenty-ish minute walk from the hospital and a 4.5 minute walk from the water. It gives me “more freedom, more space, closer proximity to the ocean” as I hoped for last year, but also more loneliness and a change to some of my routines, since I no longer live a two-minute walk from the gym and work. I’m grateful for my big patio and the space to host friends; I hope to lean more into the social space it offers this year.

Easter gathering in my sunny apartment

Fitness/Recreation 

Dragon boat try-outs began as I was in the thick of NAV101 and moving off base, so I made the difficult decision not to join the team this year, though I have maintained a connection to the team through sayonara paddles, attending a few practices, cheering at some races, and so on. 

The annual Naha Harii

Supporting the Summer Dragons at one of their races

Not being so intimately connected to this group of women was a big loss, but it was a necessary decision to free up time for other activities, such as hiking, barre, aerial yoga, and running. With dragon boat teammates and others, I took part in two 10Ks (which became weekend trips to other Okinawan islands), a Mother’s Day Ekiden, and the second Cape-to-Cape ragnar with co-workers. Not too shabby. 

Ishigaki girls' trip in January

Ishigaki's cold, rainy 10K

   

Kumejima's 90-degree 10K

Ekiden on Mother's Day

I went stand-up paddle boarding a handful of times, was able to dive on 3 occasions, and went on many river treks and other hiking expeditions. I began gymnastics in September and the progress is slow but evident; this weekly class injects some delightful play into my life, as we get to experiment and build foundational skills on the tumbletrack, floor, beam, and bars. 

April boat dive to the Keramas

October dive in Sunabe

SUPping on Hija River under the Koinobori (carp streamers) for Golden Week (May)

Even without dragon boat, I was able to shave a second or two off the row component of my Physical Readiness Test, maintaining Outstanding High for my age and sex. I joined the Navy in part to help me maintain my physical well-being, and while I know in some ways I’m an amateur, on the whole I feel fit, strong, and healthy, for which I’m very grateful. 

Community Engagement & Social Life

Living off-base, including shopping for home goods and furniture, has gotten me out and exploring in ways I otherwise wouldn’t have, but my Japanese language skills are nonexistent, and I’m still pretty disconnected from the local community. Nonetheless, living off base means I spend more time off base, and I’m slowly expanding my circle of Japanese and non-military friends. I’ve been able to host and attend several fun gatherings, and I remain involved in the community band and my informal hiking group, as well as occasional volunteering at the USO and command events. One of my close friends, a Returned Peace Corps Volunteer (RPCV) like myself, is a true whiz at building community, and she’s connected me to many people and resources here: from comedy shows to art exhibits, from healing circles to monthly non-alcoholic mocktail mixers she hosts. I have more things to do and people to do them with than I have time, and I often navigate choice paralysis to plan out my free time. 

The Okinawa Community Band

Spring 2024

Visitors & Trips 

My dad visited for my 40th birthday last January, and we had a great week exploring Okinawa. I couldn’t convince him to go for a dip in the ocean, but we did the next best thing with a glass-bottom boat, underwater observatory, and Okinawa’s renowned aquarium, so he got a peek at some marine life nonetheless. We enjoyed connecting about military life overseas and some of the highs and lows of our lives. I am very fortunate that both of my parents had the health, resources, and willingness to visit me here in Japan during the past two years, and I hope to welcome another visitor or two in the time that remains. 

Churaumi Aquarium with Dad

I regret that I still haven’t taken full advantage of being in this region, but this year I did successfully make several trips to mainland Japan. Last Christmas, just after that annual update, a coworker and I took a two-night Christmas trip to Osaka & Kyoto. I enjoyed seeing my college friend Daniel and his now-fiancée and experiencing my first Japanese onsen. In July, I sucked up my pride and went on two trips organized by the Single Marine Program, both of which were very fruitful. Over Independence Day, I went to Yokohama, Kamakura, and Tokyo; two weeks later, I had a meaningful trip to Hiroshima and Miyajima, including Itsukushima Shrine, the site of the “floating torii.” These trips were so reflective and restorative that I made a quick dash to mainland over Labor Day weekend, just before diving into the EMT course. The flights with the right price and timing went to Fukuoka, so I spent a couple days there exploring art and food and getting a much-needed reset after putting in lots of work to prepare to leave the clinic for six weeks. 

Yokohama with other single Marines & Sailors

in Yokohama

The preserved dome in Hiroshima

The "floating torii" at Itsukushima Shrine

Fukuoka at sunset

In a Fukuoka art museum

So many incredible, immersive TeamLab exhibits!

This year, I have a lot of use-or-lose leave. I’m hoping to start mapping out plans for leave to the U.S. and a few other trips, while also being open to any spontaneous opportunities that arise. There’s also so much to explore in Okinawa, and weekends here are often rich and meaningful with various activities, time at home, and volunteering. I hope that the balance I find in the coming year feels intentional and right. 

Family 

Being away for over two years means that I am, unfortunately, increasingly disconnected from family and friends back home, but there is exciting news to report nonetheless. My nephew Charlie, son to Beth & Alex, was born in January 2024—and missed sharing a birthday with his 2-year-old sister, Claire, by only one day! My oldest nephew, Caleb, will be graduating high school this year; Isaac, Micah, and Asher are speeding behind him as they continue to explore their interests in music, robotics, theatre, and more. My brother Mike will be marrying Megan (who has basically been in the family for years already) in October. Anne & Evan moved to Colorado Springs and now live with their pets in the house where Bryce & I were born. Jim is navigating life and job changes with his typical tenacity, and Becky moved to a new location with her group home housemates. 

Nalerie, now 5, and I have recently started exploring our relationship in new ways. She is making sense of my role in her life, asking why I can’t visit more often and just starting to understand that my family is also her family, and why. I am excited to be with her on the journey as she determines—and decides—who I am to her. She and big brother Isaac have taken on several foster siblings this last year and are adaptable and loving. They are always a joy to connect with over FaceTime, even if it means seeing a lot of their ceiling. 

Nalerie's 5th Birthday

Nalerie & Anne, December 2024

Dads Jacob & Andrew are inspiring, as ever, with career moves, community involvement, and Andrew’s completion of his Ed.D. degree. I’m so proud of my family, both immediate and extended. Being far, though, means I missed some important family gatherings of mourning and celebration. My Uncle Bill passed away last spring; his was a life well-lived, and I’m so grateful that I got a few days with him just before coming to Okinawa. Our last lunch together was well worth almost missing my flight. My cousin Emma married her husband Cory in September, and I’m glad that I got to visit them, too, just before joining the Navy. I look forward to next seeing the Timmel side of my family whenever my travels take me that way. 

Thoughts on the U.S.A. 

Like many, I am befuddled by the nation that my fellow Americans are creating, by the priorities they express through their voices and their votes. NAV104, a course exploring civilian control of the military and the checks and balances of government enshrined in our Constitution, gave me a forum in which to channel my thoughts on the election this past fall. I’m currently applying for orders, so we will see where the Navy takes me next. I'm halfway through my six-year contract, and I see a world of possibility within the Navy, both personally and professionally. However, we are also inching ever closer to being intimately involved in conflicts with which I may not agree, so I am keeping my options open for now.

A visitor from home!

The Void 

Taylor Swift got it right. All of it. 

I continued to date this past year, though less, and with less joy. The cosmic supernova of an almost-relationship last year lingered with me in ways that created significant cognitive dissonance over many months. That immediate and intense sense of connection, of wanting to invest in someone and see what grows, was as close to a drug as I’ve ever tasted, and I spent the past year chasing that dragon—trying to understand why it ended, trying to find something as good or better, and failing at both. 

A variety of Taylor Swift songs have payed on repeat in my mind often, and I’ve become acquainted with a deep sadness. In the big, beautiful life I’ve built, there is a deep hole; sometimes I’m immersed in the beauty, and sometimes I’m profoundly aware of the hole. When we lose something, our grief is obvious and anticipated; we can be “doing OK,” aside from the fact that our house just burned down, our dog ran away, or our loved one died, and people anticipate and understand this mourning, this rightfully profound loss. What I have felt is different, and far less visible; it’s not grief from a loss of something I had, but from the absence of something I haven’t. I’m “doing OK,” but I’m often not. It’s a silent grief. It’s not an aching or throbbing pain; it’s not a deep cut or an amputation. It’s the constant discomfort of being in the cold without a coat. It’s the absence of warmth. 

I don’t know exactly why I've felt it so keenly this year. Certainly the aftermath of that almost-love played a role. The ticking clock. The series of first dates: starting hopeful for deep and meaningful connection, spending a few pleasant hours over dinner or a walk, and waking up the next day having forgotten that the person existed. It’s watching my friends’ children grow up and find their partners, while I metaphorically shiver in the cold. 

Let's be clear: I’d like a family. I’d like a marriage. But I’d like to start with an easier ask: a relationship. Assuming that dating begins in adolescence, I’ve spent a paltry 6% of my potential dating life in a relationship. I know that relationships take effort and are not always rosy, but I feel deeply that I am missing out on a fundamental part of the human experience, and that has been a difficult reality. 

I don’t share this to complain or prompt pity. A few years ago, a friend told me that my willingness to share my life’s highlights and sorrows was refreshing. It enabled her to be honest about her own doubts and regrets. I know that my life has been incredibly blessed and fruitful this past year.

 I can read your mind 

"She’s having the time of her life" 

There in her glittering prime

The lights refract sequined stars off her silhouette every night 

I can show you lies

In so many ways, I am in the prime of my life. I know that what I long for would mean sacrificing some of what I love—the solitude, the spontaneity, the freedom. I’ve also learned this past year that performance has very little to do with feelings. When you read the paragraphs above about my year, know that it wasn’t all accompanied by joy and whimsy. I can do it with a broken heart. 

Still. There has been reconciliation. Trying, and trying again. Setting boundaries. Giving chances. Getting hurt. Trying yet again. Maybe 2025 will be the year I learn to love and be loved. 

Hopes/Goals for 2025

I am acutely aware that, had I not opted to extend my orders here, I’d already be gone from Okinawa, and I am so grateful to still be here. This motivates me to use my time to the fullest, and there’s so much I want to do: more beach days, snorkeling, diving. I want to actually use my art room as a studio, not just an office for coursework. I want to write—journal entries, stories, songs. I want to play piano and sing, even if it’s just for myself. I want to learn hiragana and katakana, the two main Japanese alphabets, which would open the door to learning more Japanese words and phrases. I want to volunteer more, including skills sustainment time in the Emergency Departent at least once a month. I want to visit my family this spring and, if possible, attend Michael & Megan’s wedding this autumn. I want to plan at least one more trip to mainland Japan and perhaps climb Mount Fuji. I’d like to visit at least one other country in the Pacific. 

I want to do all this and more, in part because I realize that peacetime isn’t guaranteed--indeed, it is only a distant hope for many in the world right now. As they say in Rent, “the opposite of war isn’t peace; it’s creation!” Being Active Duty means that if our nation goes to war, I may go, too. I try to live each day with gratitude for the peace my life now knows, to do what I can to dwell in wonder and curiosity and creativity. To dwell, indeed, in possibility. Wishing you and yours a 2025 full of possibilities. 

Love, 

Andréa