2024 End-of-Year Reflection

Friends, family, loved ones: 

Happy holidays! I hope this finds you well and warm. 

Taylor Swift sang my soul this year. 

For those who want the BLUF (bottom line up front): 

I’m delighted to be in my third year in Okinawa. The past year has been filled with professional achievement, personal growth, a move, trips, and connection, all accompanied by a deep void. Biggest lessons of 2024: (1) we can grieve absence without loss, and (2) like Taylor, I can do it with a broken heart. 

For those who like a chronological breakdown of wave crests: 

Jan: 

• Dad visited 

• Took a girls’ trip with dragon boat team members to Ishigaki for a 10K 

• Began USNCC Naval Studies program 

• Signed lease & prepared to move out of the barracks 

• Set boundaries with my closest friend as he entered a new romantic relationship 

Feb: 

• Moved off base & began household shopping 

• Became my department’s LPO (leading petty officer) 

Mar: 

• Completed NAV101 and began NAV102 

• Continued settling into my apartment 

• Navigated short staffing at work 

April: 

• Did my fist dives since October with a day trip on a diving boat to the Keramas, a set of nearby islands 

• Transitioned from minimal to zero contact with my no-longer-closest friend as he asked for space to sort through things in his relationship 

May: 

• Sponsored an incoming Sailor 

• Began NAV103 

• Helped onboard the wave of new staff (10 people, about 25% of our department, in 2 months) 

• Mother’s Day Ekiden race with dragonboat teammates 

June: 

• Made 2 dives in my area 

• Welcomed two new Sailors to the clinic 

• Said farewell to a close friend from Corps school 

July: 

• Long weekend trips to Yokohama/Tokyo/Kamakura and Hiroshima/Miyajima island 

August: 

• 6-week break from classes 

• Many extra work hours in preparation for TAD (temporary duty) period 

• Completed exam for national psychiatric tech certification 

• 3-day trip to Fukuoka 

• Awarded the commander’s coin 

• Led USO drawing event 

September: 

• Started TAD period as a student in our EMT course 

• Began seeing a counselor to better understand and improve a few of my family/friend relationships

• Began gymnastics 

October: 

• Finished EMT course & exam 

• Began NAV104 

• Reconnected with a former romantic partner & friend as we tried to find new space to occupy in each others' lives

• Weekend trip to Kumejima for a 10K and to support my friend Rachel in her 1st marathon 

November: 

• Bade farewell to several close friends as they left island 

• Won Sailor of the FY2024 4th Quarter 

• Completed second annual Cape-to-Cape ragnar-style run with coworkers 

December: 

• Began EMT duty & had my first three calls

• Completed weeklong training to become a SAPR VA (Sexual Assault Prevention and Response Victim Advocate) 

• All the holiday events, oh my! 

For those who like a long, introspective reflection on various themes (get a cup of something warm and cozy, and settle in): 

Navy Career 

I’m in my third year at the U.S. Naval Hospital Okinawa, where in February I became the LPO (Leading Petty Officer) of Outpatient Mental Health. I’m still figuring out exactly what this job entails, but essentially I’m the first-line supervisor of our department’s enlisted members and a point of contact for our civilian support staff and officers for a wide range of needs. This past year has been feast or famine: either managing short-staffing or onboarding multiple new staff simultaneously. We got three new enlisted Sailors in our department this year, and I’ve enjoyed having a more substantial role in the clinic. While I have a lot of administrative duties and don’t get as much patient care time as I’d like, we’re working to balance that. Our clinic did not offer Mindfulness this year, but I enjoyed co-leading our weekly DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) group with our Division Officer, a psychologist, for several months, and I’ve been able to help facilitate other BHTs getting more patient care and training in group facilitation. I truly enjoy my coworkers, my command, and the community we have both in and out of work.

The biggest change professionally was that I was approved for temporary duty to our EMT course, being excused from my job for six weeks to complete this training. I took the course in September/October and passed the NREMT exam in November. Training included “ridealong” time on station and in our E.R., and I am now back to my day job but also stand EMT duty 2-3 times a month, replacing my previous command duty as Mate of the Day on the quarterdeck. I had my first EMT calls this month and am excited for all I still have to learn in this role. Prior to the course, I completed a lengthy take-home exam to gain my national psych tech certification, earning me “NCPT2” credentials. I also completed a weeklong training to become a SAPR VA (Sexual Assault Prevention & Response Victim Advocate), a command collateral duty that has the potential to be very meaningful. Maintaining the credentials for these various titles will take continuous effort, but I am grateful for the support of both my leadership and my subordinates in pursuing these opportunities. 

Morning ambulance checks the day of my first EMT call,
22 December 2024

My efforts were recognized in two meaningful ways. In August, several colleagues and I were honored by the CO and received her coin for care we provided after hours to a high-acuity patient. I was also selected as my command’s FY 2024 Sailor of the 4th Quarter. I was humbled to stand the board in the company of other hard-working and motivated second class petty officers, and I made a couple new friends from the experience. 

With our CO, Captain Cooperman

Education 

This was a big year for learning. In addition to the EMT course, SAPR VA training, and NCPT2 certification, I completed four courses in the U.S. Naval Community College’s Naval Studies program. I took a term off for the EMT course, so I look forward to completing NAV105 to close out the program in March. This certificate represents 15 college credits and includes courses on naval ethics & leadership, naval history, naval force design, civilian/military organizations, and the geopolitical environment. As a former liberal arts student, this program has helped me dust off my studying and essay-writing skills and given me a broader context in which to place my personal military experience. I’ve enjoyed it, but I look forward to completing the program and having more evening/weekend time to devote to other pursuits. 

Life Off Base 

I moved off-base in February and spent the next months slowly prowling Facebook and used furniture stores to settle into my space. My 3-bedroom apartment is spacious and light-filled, a twenty-ish minute walk from the hospital and a 4.5 minute walk from the water. It gives me “more freedom, more space, closer proximity to the ocean” as I hoped for last year, but also more loneliness and a change to some of my routines, since I no longer live a two-minute walk from the gym and work. I’m grateful for my big patio and the space to host friends; I hope to lean more into the social space it offers this year.

Easter gathering in my sunny apartment

Fitness/Recreation 

Dragon boat try-outs began as I was in the thick of NAV101 and moving off base, so I made the difficult decision not to join the team this year, though I have maintained a connection to the team through sayonara paddles, attending a few practices, cheering at some races, and so on. 

The annual Naha Harii

Supporting the Summer Dragons at one of their races

Not being so intimately connected to this group of women was a big loss, but it was a necessary decision to free up time for other activities, such as hiking, barre, aerial yoga, and running. With dragon boat teammates and others, I took part in two 10Ks (which became weekend trips to other Okinawan islands), a Mother’s Day Ekiden, and the second Cape-to-Cape ragnar with co-workers. Not too shabby. 

Ishigaki girls' trip in January

Ishigaki's cold, rainy 10K

   

Kumejima's 90-degree 10K

Ekiden on Mother's Day

I went stand-up paddle boarding a handful of times, was able to dive on 3 occasions, and went on many river treks and other hiking expeditions. I began gymnastics in September and the progress is slow but evident; this weekly class injects some delightful play into my life, as we get to experiment and build foundational skills on the tumbletrack, floor, beam, and bars. 

April boat dive to the Keramas

October dive in Sunabe

SUPping on Hija River under the Koinobori (carp streamers) for Golden Week (May)

Even without dragon boat, I was able to shave a second or two off the row component of my Physical Readiness Test, maintaining Outstanding High for my age and sex. I joined the Navy in part to help me maintain my physical well-being, and while I know in some ways I’m an amateur, on the whole I feel fit, strong, and healthy, for which I’m very grateful. 

Community Engagement & Social Life

Living off-base, including shopping for home goods and furniture, has gotten me out and exploring in ways I otherwise wouldn’t have, but my Japanese language skills are nonexistent, and I’m still pretty disconnected from the local community. Nonetheless, living off base means I spend more time off base, and I’m slowly expanding my circle of Japanese and non-military friends. I’ve been able to host and attend several fun gatherings, and I remain involved in the community band and my informal hiking group, as well as occasional volunteering at the USO and command events. One of my close friends, a Returned Peace Corps Volunteer (RPCV) like myself, is a true whiz at building community, and she’s connected me to many people and resources here: from comedy shows to art exhibits, from healing circles to monthly non-alcoholic mocktail mixers she hosts. I have more things to do and people to do them with than I have time, and I often navigate choice paralysis to plan out my free time. 

The Okinawa Community Band

Spring 2024

Visitors & Trips 

My dad visited for my 40th birthday last January, and we had a great week exploring Okinawa. I couldn’t convince him to go for a dip in the ocean, but we did the next best thing with a glass-bottom boat, underwater observatory, and Okinawa’s renowned aquarium, so he got a peek at some marine life nonetheless. We enjoyed connecting about military life overseas and some of the highs and lows of our lives. I am very fortunate that both of my parents had the health, resources, and willingness to visit me here in Japan during the past two years, and I hope to welcome another visitor or two in the time that remains. 

Churaumi Aquarium with Dad

I regret that I still haven’t taken full advantage of being in this region, but this year I did successfully make several trips to mainland Japan. Last Christmas, just after that annual update, a coworker and I took a two-night Christmas trip to Osaka & Kyoto. I enjoyed seeing my college friend Daniel and his now-fiancée and experiencing my first Japanese onsen. In July, I sucked up my pride and went on two trips organized by the Single Marine Program, both of which were very fruitful. Over Independence Day, I went to Yokohama, Kamakura, and Tokyo; two weeks later, I had a meaningful trip to Hiroshima and Miyajima, including Itsukushima Shrine, the site of the “floating torii.” These trips were so reflective and restorative that I made a quick dash to mainland over Labor Day weekend, just before diving into the EMT course. The flights with the right price and timing went to Fukuoka, so I spent a couple days there exploring art and food and getting a much-needed reset after putting in lots of work to prepare to leave the clinic for six weeks. 

Yokohama with other single Marines & Sailors

in Yokohama

The preserved dome in Hiroshima

The "floating torii" at Itsukushima Shrine

Fukuoka at sunset

In a Fukuoka art museum

So many incredible, immersive TeamLab exhibits!

This year, I have a lot of use-or-lose leave. I’m hoping to start mapping out plans for leave to the U.S. and a few other trips, while also being open to any spontaneous opportunities that arise. There’s also so much to explore in Okinawa, and weekends here are often rich and meaningful with various activities, time at home, and volunteering. I hope that the balance I find in the coming year feels intentional and right. 

Family 

Being away for over two years means that I am, unfortunately, increasingly disconnected from family and friends back home, but there is exciting news to report nonetheless. My nephew Charlie, son to Beth & Alex, was born in January 2024—and missed sharing a birthday with his 2-year-old sister, Claire, by only one day! My oldest nephew, Caleb, will be graduating high school this year; Isaac, Micah, and Asher are speeding behind him as they continue to explore their interests in music, robotics, theatre, and more. My brother Mike will be marrying Megan (who has basically been in the family for years already) in October. Anne & Evan moved to Colorado Springs and now live with their pets in the house where Bryce & I were born. Jim is navigating life and job changes with his typical tenacity, and Becky moved to a new location with her group home housemates. 

Nalerie, now 5, and I have recently started exploring our relationship in new ways. She is making sense of my role in her life, asking why I can’t visit more often and just starting to understand that my family is also her family, and why. I am excited to be with her on the journey as she determines—and decides—who I am to her. She and big brother Isaac have taken on several foster siblings this last year and are adaptable and loving. They are always a joy to connect with over FaceTime, even if it means seeing a lot of their ceiling. 

Nalerie's 5th Birthday

Nalerie & Anne, December 2024

Dads Jacob & Andrew are inspiring, as ever, with career moves, community involvement, and Andrew’s completion of his Ed.D. degree. I’m so proud of my family, both immediate and extended. Being far, though, means I missed some important family gatherings of mourning and celebration. My Uncle Bill passed away last spring; his was a life well-lived, and I’m so grateful that I got a few days with him just before coming to Okinawa. Our last lunch together was well worth almost missing my flight. My cousin Emma married her husband Cory in September, and I’m glad that I got to visit them, too, just before joining the Navy. I look forward to next seeing the Timmel side of my family whenever my travels take me that way. 

Thoughts on the U.S.A. 

Like many, I am befuddled by the nation that my fellow Americans are creating, by the priorities they express through their voices and their votes. NAV104, a course exploring civilian control of the military and the checks and balances of government enshrined in our Constitution, gave me a forum in which to channel my thoughts on the election this past fall. I’m currently applying for orders, so we will see where the Navy takes me next. I'm halfway through my six-year contract, and I see a world of possibility within the Navy, both personally and professionally. However, we are also inching ever closer to being intimately involved in conflicts with which I may not agree, so I am keeping my options open for now.

A visitor from home!

The Void 

Taylor Swift got it right. All of it. 

I continued to date this past year, though less, and with less joy. The cosmic supernova of an almost-relationship last year lingered with me in ways that created significant cognitive dissonance over many months. That immediate and intense sense of connection, of wanting to invest in someone and see what grows, was as close to a drug as I’ve ever tasted, and I spent the past year chasing that dragon—trying to understand why it ended, trying to find something as good or better, and failing at both. 

A variety of Taylor Swift songs have payed on repeat in my mind often, and I’ve become acquainted with a deep sadness. In the big, beautiful life I’ve built, there is a deep hole; sometimes I’m immersed in the beauty, and sometimes I’m profoundly aware of the hole. When we lose something, our grief is obvious and anticipated; we can be “doing OK,” aside from the fact that our house just burned down, our dog ran away, or our loved one died, and people anticipate and understand this mourning, this rightfully profound loss. What I have felt is different, and far less visible; it’s not grief from a loss of something I had, but from the absence of something I haven’t. I’m “doing OK,” but I’m often not. It’s a silent grief. It’s not an aching or throbbing pain; it’s not a deep cut or an amputation. It’s the constant discomfort of being in the cold without a coat. It’s the absence of warmth. 

I don’t know exactly why I've felt it so keenly this year. Certainly the aftermath of that almost-love played a role. The ticking clock. The series of first dates: starting hopeful for deep and meaningful connection, spending a few pleasant hours over dinner or a walk, and waking up the next day having forgotten that the person existed. It’s watching my friends’ children grow up and find their partners, while I metaphorically shiver in the cold. 

Let's be clear: I’d like a family. I’d like a marriage. But I’d like to start with an easier ask: a relationship. Assuming that dating begins in adolescence, I’ve spent a paltry 6% of my potential dating life in a relationship. I know that relationships take effort and are not always rosy, but I feel deeply that I am missing out on a fundamental part of the human experience, and that has been a difficult reality. 

I don’t share this to complain or prompt pity. A few years ago, a friend told me that my willingness to share my life’s highlights and sorrows was refreshing. It enabled her to be honest about her own doubts and regrets. I know that my life has been incredibly blessed and fruitful this past year.

 I can read your mind 

"She’s having the time of her life" 

There in her glittering prime

The lights refract sequined stars off her silhouette every night 

I can show you lies

In so many ways, I am in the prime of my life. I know that what I long for would mean sacrificing some of what I love—the solitude, the spontaneity, the freedom. I’ve also learned this past year that performance has very little to do with feelings. When you read the paragraphs above about my year, know that it wasn’t all accompanied by joy and whimsy. I can do it with a broken heart. 

Still. There has been reconciliation. Trying, and trying again. Setting boundaries. Giving chances. Getting hurt. Trying yet again. Maybe 2025 will be the year I learn to love and be loved. 

Hopes/Goals for 2025

I am acutely aware that, had I not opted to extend my orders here, I’d already be gone from Okinawa, and I am so grateful to still be here. This motivates me to use my time to the fullest, and there’s so much I want to do: more beach days, snorkeling, diving. I want to actually use my art room as a studio, not just an office for coursework. I want to write—journal entries, stories, songs. I want to play piano and sing, even if it’s just for myself. I want to learn hiragana and katakana, the two main Japanese alphabets, which would open the door to learning more Japanese words and phrases. I want to volunteer more, including skills sustainment time in the Emergency Departent at least once a month. I want to visit my family this spring and, if possible, attend Michael & Megan’s wedding this autumn. I want to plan at least one more trip to mainland Japan and perhaps climb Mount Fuji. I’d like to visit at least one other country in the Pacific. 

I want to do all this and more, in part because I realize that peacetime isn’t guaranteed--indeed, it is only a distant hope for many in the world right now. As they say in Rent, “the opposite of war isn’t peace; it’s creation!” Being Active Duty means that if our nation goes to war, I may go, too. I try to live each day with gratitude for the peace my life now knows, to do what I can to dwell in wonder and curiosity and creativity. To dwell, indeed, in possibility. Wishing you and yours a 2025 full of possibilities. 

Love, 

Andréa

2023 End-of-Year Reflection

Holiday greetings! 

I’m writing from my barracks room (apartment, more accurately) on Camp Foster in Okinawa, Japan. It’s a dreary day by Okinawa standards—cool, wet, and a bit foggy—perfect for snuggling up inside with eggnog, gingerbread cookies, a laptop, and my last few holiday postcards. From my window, I can see the Naval Hospital where I work, just across the parking lot; beyond that, the city of Chatan and the ocean along Okinawa’s western coastline. Inside, all around me, I have maps and Oki-inspired art, letters from family and friends, plants that keep outgrowing their pots, and mementos of a year well spent. 

tl;dr: Okinawa is incredible; the Navy is suiting me; I’m excited for what lies ahead! Happy 2024! 

For those who prefer the extended cut: 

Work 

Sometimes I pause, in awe of the fact that I work in a hospital, that I live in Okinawa. How incredible that joining the Navy got me here! In January, I began working in our Substance Abuse Rehabilitation Program clinic, doing on-the-job training for group therapy. In May, I transitioned to the Child and Adolescent Mental Health clinic across the hall. We had high hopes of starting some children’s groups, but due to staffing shortages of providers, I mainly did administrative clinic work instead. I enjoyed helping the clinic prepare for our Joint Commission reaccreditation in June. 

In August, I began studying for the advancement exam and was happy to put an end to that in the end of September. I went from CAMH to Outpatient Mental Health. While this is where I was initially trained when I arrived last November, the transition was a bit tricky. I had much to relearn. Our roles were shifting amidst efforts to increase training and opportunities to do behavioral health work (versus front-desk work and taking vitals). Our directorate—comprised of all 3 clinics—had been experiencing significant turnover and leadership change, and the ongoing transition as we onboarded new providers and corpsmen took patience. 

In late November, I learned that I’d scored high enough on the exam to be advanced to HM2 (E-5). I was “frocked” –i.e., allowed to start wearing the rank—on December 1st. This change justifies a transition that was already in progress; I became our clinic’s Assistant Leading Petty Officer in the fall, with the expectation that I will become the acting LPO in February when my current supervisor departs. I’m excited, but I also have much to learn in the clinic and in the Navy in general; having been in for just over 2 years, I’m still very much a “boot.”

I’m excited to build my military understanding through the Naval Studies Certificate program, an accelerated 5-course series offered through the US Naval Community College. I was accepted this fall and will begin in January. I’m also hoping to complete EMT training later this year to build my corpsman skills.

It’s sometimes hard for me to explain exactly what I do as a BHT (behavioral health technician), since so much of my work is not specific to my role. I’m happy to report that I’m finally starting to screen acute walk-in patients to OMH. I’ve been leading a weekly 90-minute Mindfulness group since April. My first real introduction to the topic was in Social Psychology taught by Dr. Ellen Langer (who wrote the book Mindfulness, literally) in the fall of 2003. It’s been very enjoyable to keep learning and curating exercises for others while building my own skills. I am expecting to begin a Dialectical Behavior Therapy group for OMH soon. Exciting stuff. 

All in all, I’ve enjoyed my first year here, and I extended my orders from two years to three. I look forward to staying until November 2025 (or beyond).

Navy Life (or, becoming an adult again)

As I described last year, the transition from training to my first command meant navigating the gap between age peers and rank peers as I tried to make friends. It meant being subject to the various rules that guide one’s life—based on interesting combinations of rank, age, and marital status. I began my time here in a shared suite, without a car, living behind a fence. 

 

Still, Oki winter made for weather cool enough to start exploring off base on foot and using inter-base shuttles and local bus lines. I went on several of the tours offered through the Marine Corps Community Services. Over time, I made more friends and had opportunities to start hiking, going to the beach and museums, and exploring Okinawan food and culture.

 

In March, I had been here the requisite 90 days to request command permission for a driver’s license and vehicle. For my first-ever car purchase, I leaned into Oki’s colorful cube car trend and chose a rose-gold (OK, call it pink) Honda Life. It’s an adorable little kei car with personality, and it opened up the island for me. I look forward to many more adventures in “ma vie en rose.” 

Later in the spring, as I was submitting a request to live off-base, I was given the opportunity to move from my room in the Bachelor Enlisted Quarters to the Bachelor Officer Quarters across the street. Though I’m not an officer, people are shuffled around based on supply and demand. This meant trading a cozy suite with limited storage space, a suitemate (and her over-far-too-often boyfriend), and a partial kitchen for a private apartment-style room with my own bedroom, living room, full kitchen, and storage space. My quality of life improved immediately with space to have a friend over for conversation, more cooking flexibility, and no resentment about the whose turn it was to buy toilet paper or scrubbing the shower. 

 

It's amazing what a difference some freedom and privacy can do. Having a car and a kitchen meant that basic tasks – like dropping off a package at the post office or cooking dinner – didn’t require advance strategizing. They also made me feel like a grown-up again. 

 

Now that I’m a frocked E-5, there could come a time when I’m required to live off base due to barracks occupancy levels. To avoid a short-notice eviction, I’ve been exploring off-base apartments and will likely move outside the fence in January. While I’ll miss the convenience of being just steps away from a gym and the hospital, I’m looking forward to the possibility of  even more freedom, more space, and closer proximity to the ocean.  

Dragon Boat

A major part of my life this past year has been dragon boat, or haarii, a sport deeply engrained in Okinawa’s history. February brought three weeks of try-outs for the Navy Women’s Dragon Boat Team, Nirai Kanai, waking before 04:00 to practice paddling at the marina fifteen minutes away. I made the team, and Dragon Boat became a significant part of my life for the next seven months.

 

Our “big boat” race, for which we’d prepared over 3 months of early mornings, was held May 5 in Naha. Our team had two extra members, one of whom became injured, and I was asked to fill the role of kaneuchi – the drummer/gong-ringer who helps keep the beat set by the pacer. I agreed, knowing that if it wasn’t me, someone else would be removed from the lineup. It was harder than I expected to not paddle in the race after so much preparation. Nonetheless, it was incredible to be part of the experience. These boats and races are featured prominently in Okinawan history and art, and it was an honor to take part in this annual tradition.

 

In June, we switched to “Summer Dragons” for sabani boat racing. These 10-person boats meant different lineups for multiple races through the summer, a different paddling technique, and opportunities to actually be in a boat during practice, rather than standing or on a dock. I took part in three races and was able to support the team for three others. Our final sabani race was held September 17, though we continued to have team activities and gatherings through the fall.

 

Being part of this team has greatly enhanced my community and my fitness. While I am unsure if I will participate in the coming season, I hope to continue nurturing many of the relationships born from this team. In January, I’ll be among a group of 8 taking a trip to Ishigaki—an Okinawan Island near Taiwan—to take part in a 10K. I’m looking forward to this girls’ trip and many more adventures with these inspiring women.

 

Community Engagement & Personal Pursuits

While I’m not as immersed in the local community as I’d like, there is no shortage of opportunities within the military community. I joined a concert-style band made up mostly of civilian teachers in the DODEA system. I’ve been able to play in 3 performances, and it’s been a low-demand, high-reward addition to my life. I’ve enjoyed re-acquainting myself with percussion instruments and ensemble music.

 

Two fellow band members asked me to pet-sit their two cats and house-sit their gorgeous 9^th-floor apartment overlooking the ocean during their trip Stateside. As a side benefit, this month in my “vacation home” gave me the perfect hosting space for my mom, who made a weeklong trip over the 4^th of July. I was able to introduce her to some of my friends and coworkers, show her the spaces where I spend my time, and have some fun adventures—beachcombing for sea glass, snorkeling, and visiting castle ruins and museums. We even experienced some Okinawa nightlife with the dragon boat women for a teammate’s farewell outing. It was a quick but fruitful visit, and I’m grateful she was game to make the trip.

 

During the summer, I obtained my PADI open water dive certification with some extra assistance and extra time, as I initially found breathing through the regulator anxiety-producing. I’m grateful I stuck with it, as I've been on a couple of spectacular dives and can’t wait to keep exploring the plentiful views of coral and sea life here. 

I also joined an informal hiking group with an intrepid leader who plans weekly routes. Oki has incredible views and I look forward to continued treks with this ever-changing group of active outdoor enthusiasts. I bought a Stand-Up Paddle board and have enjoyed SUPping with friends; I entered a SUP Cup fun race and took second in the women's division. I also began taking aerial yoga in the fall. Look forward to seeing me as a P!nk backup aerial dancer any day now.

 

 

Feeling well-conditioned from dragon boat training, I completed my annual physical readiness test in mid-May, scoring “Outstanding High” – meaning I obtained the highest points possible in each component (plank, pushups, and rowing). It was my first opportunity to choose a non-running cardio option for my PRT; not running allowed me to surpass my previous performances, points-wise. Maintaining physical fitness was one of the things that attracted me to the military; when I first applied to the Navy, I worked hard to ensure I could simply pass the minimum requirements. It is rewarding to know that I am now capable of meeting the highest expectations of my age and gender peers. Repeating the performance this year will take significant effort, and I look forward to continuing to pushing myself. My directorate recently completed a Ragnar-style relay from Cape Hedo to Cape Kyan, running the length of the island from north to south. My legs of the run added up to ~17 miles, more than I planned. No doubt we’ll be doing it again soon. 

 

  

 

Volunteering is an important part of Navy culture, and tracking it is important for career advancement. It’s also great fun and a wonderful way to be civically engaged. I’m a Team Lead at our base USO; there are also tons of one-off options, so I’ve had great fun cleaning up beaches, timing swim meet races, providing corpsman coverage for range weapons qualifications or base community events, organizing thrift store inventory, donating blood, supporting command events, transporting food for the base pantry, and more.

 

I’ve amassed art supplies but haven’t established a painting practice yet, though I’ve been able to make several pieces through classes and events at the USO and Single Marine Program (a community space for unaccompanied active duty folks). I purchased a ukulele but haven’t learned much yet—and am open to FaceTime lessons if anyone wants to connect. I’m slowly, slowly picking up some Japanese characters, and my goal is to recognize hiragana and katakana, at least, though my personal deadline for doing so keeps shifting. My Japanese is woefully inadequate; once I can read the characters, I think the aural version will make more sense for me. In short—I’ve no shortage of goals and pursuits for my spare time.

 

Dating

One of the biggest differences in this chapter of my life from those that came before is in the pursuit of partnership. American men dating and marrying Japanese/Okinawan women is common, but the reverse is not; I’ve not dated anyone local. Nonetheless, I’m on an island with 20,000 Marines: mostly young, fit, unmarried men. More rotate in and out on 6-month deployments to the area. Not to be outdone, plenty of sailors, airmen, and soldiers fill the ranks of contenders in the dating game. It’s an exhilarating place to be a single woman; I can exhaust the options in my age/distance parameters on a dating app, and sign on the next day to find a host of new faces ripe for swiping.

 

As a result, I’ve had dates or romantic encounters with 25 (!) different people in the past year. It’s made for many first and second dates. Almost all of them were a perfectly pleasant few hours of my life: a coffee, a dinner, a hike, a walk along the beach; in one case, an impromptu spelunking trip to caves on some remote part of the island. A few of those people have become close friends, and we continue to spend time together and enhance each other’s lives. 

 

One might think I’m living my best cougar life. And, in a way, I am. It’s strange to have so many options after years of the opposite. I barely dated in high school or college. I had only one or two significant relationships in my 20s. My yearlong relationship at 36 was the most substantial one of my life, and even it began with a likely expiration date as I planned to join the Navy. My attempts at dating post-boot camp and pre-Okinawa were, as I stated last year, a nightmare (Sailors) and an uninspiring but refreshing breath of non-Navy air (civilians).

 

It’s fun to meet new people, to share new experiences. It’s fun to have people interested in you. It’s fun to be found attractive. I’m still overcoming long-held, insidiously buried core beliefs about my own desirability. I’m still learning how to share the whole me—the parts of me I keep tucked away at work because they don’t serve me in my current rank and role. In many ways, this series of dating adventures has been enriching.

 

In other ways, it has been draining. I have no doubt been the villain in the stories of people who wanted to pursue more with me than I with them. I have added names to my own list of villains—those who stood me up or left me feeling toyed with, dropped, discarded. Generally, there’s a mutual, tacit understanding that no romantic potential exists. While easier, that too can be tiresome, to keep trying and hoping for something so evasive.

 

After one first date this fall, a man shared his surprise at how I described my relationship history (or lack thereof). He had assumed, due to my age and single-ness, that I eschewed commitment, enjoyed being untethered, and wanted to date casually indefinitely. After we met, he said, he realized he’d been wrong: that I have a “young heart,” that I am someone who always wanted to find love but simply hadn’t yet. He was right.

 

With only one of those 25 people did I sense that the stars might be aligning, did I see the shimmer of possibility. The immediate ease, the desire for conversation to continue without end, the comfort of holding and being held, a whole world blossoming with promise and opportunity. The taste of hope. In one intimate moment, he reflected, in awe, “It’s actually happening.” It felt like it was.

 

But it was an eclipse. A cosmic phenomenon: very real, but finite. Powerful but temporary. A delicious moment sipped away (as Taylor Swift would say) like a bottle of wine.

 

So then what? I cried, cursed, reflected, wrote, shared, forgave, healed. I hold on to what I have with gratitude. I stay curious about the story still to be written.

 

It’s hard to be searching for something that so many people seem to find so easily. But my, what a scavenger hunt it’s been.

 

Family

I’m very fortunate to be able to stay in touch with loved ones at home via FaceTime, Snapchat, and other apps. My nephews are growing up, and I’ve enjoyed watching some of their concerts and competitions via YouTube—an aftereffect of Covid times. My niece Claire is a spunky, almost-two-year-old, whose extensive vocabulary includes “Hi Andrea,” “Happy Holidays,” “See ya! Love ya!” and “Touchdown, Jackrabbits!” She’s excited to become a big sister in about month. As a firstborn daughter myself, I feel a special kinship with her.

My parents and siblings are all healthy and busy with work and family. Becky has experienced some struggles moving to a group home environment, but we have faith in her. I’m grateful to my mom and sisters for the heavy lifting they are doing to help manage the bumps in this transition. Jim keeps working hard and love his cat Sardine & pup Bear; Anne & Evan are in their second year of marriage and preparing for a big move this summer. Bryce & Ronda and Alex & Beth have meaningful careers and hobbies while being great parents. A special shout-out to Michael and Megan, who became engaged this fall; Megan’s been part of the family for years, and we’re delighted she’ll be sticking around permanently. 

 

The Sutton-Talleys experienced major changes this year, adding a younger brother to the family (who is one year and one day younger than Nalerie), moving to North Dakota, and starting new jobs. Their home in Greeley held much meaning and memory for me, so it was bittersweet to watch them leave it behind, but I am so excited for this chapter and their closer proximity to almost everyone in the extended family, including my parents and siblings. Three years ago, it would have hurt my heart to even imagine being thousands of miles from baby girl, but so far, so good. I love FaceTiming their family, watching them grow, and sharing bits of Okinawa with them through letters and packages. I hope that in some small way, I’m planting seeds of curiosity about the world in Isaac, Nalerie, and Soren, as my parents did in me.

Hopes for 2024

I am honored to serve the United States and simultaneously grateful to be distant from the ongoing chaos. I am hopeful that we will figure it out and emerge a better nation in the days ahead. I’m saddened by the global conflict that seems unceasing. I’m reminded that even routine military service has dangers; the recent loss of the crew of Gundam-22 weighs heavily here, as does the loss of one of our command’s Sailors by his own hand earlier this year.

 

The best I can hope for, perhaps selfishly, is to find meaning and purpose in each day, to rise to challenges as they are presented to me. I am looking forward to 2024: to beginning the naval studies courses, snorkeling, diving, aerial yoga/dancing, exploring, traveling. To investing in my community and expanding that to include more of Okinawa. Soon, I’ll be celebrating my 40^th birthday with my dad; I’m excited to have a few adventures together on the island! It’s strange to imagine myself as 40, an age that once seemed so…old. And yet, I think of friends who have left this earth, of those who never experienced life beyond youth. As a child, we had a small painted rock that had belonged to my Grandma Timmel. It read, “Never regret growing old…it is a privilege denied many.” I feel young and am grateful for the years I’ve had. I’m grateful for each day and every breath that lies before me.

 

Wishing you a 2024 filled with peace, adventure, and joy.

 

Love,

Andrea