I came to add my 2018 annual reflection, and realized I had never posted the one from last year. Here it is!
As 2018 dawns, I hope this finds you content and well. The semester break has been a welcome
reprieve from a semester that was fruitful and life-giving but also exhausting. Reflecting on the year and writing this update
have proven more difficult than usual.
Two forces tug at me—malaise and uncertainty, in one direction, and a
newly-nourished creative spirit, in the other.
I’ve spent the past year thinking that this week would have me wrapping
up graduate school applications for multidisciplinary MFA programs, a mental
concoction drawing from these ingredients:
December 2016 completion of the GRE; May 2017 payoff
of my undergraduate debt; June-July 2017 off-contract period used for creative
work and learning; Spring 2017 class in painting and Fall 2017 courses in
painting and screenwriting.
Imagine my disappointment
to arrive at the deadline for applications and find that I’m not ready. In the
words of one professor, I don’t yet know what kind of work I want to make or
how I want to make it, which makes choosing programs hard. It makes developing
a body of work to gain acceptance to competitive (and well-funded) programs
even harder. As my 34th birthday approaches, there is, perhaps, a sense
of urgency to move forward, but the map before me is bewildering, enticing me
in many directions at once. Perhaps the malaise pulling against this creative
impulse grows out of my dance with time. My partner Time, it seems, is not
ready for graduate school, nor convinced that it is the best next step. Just as I’ve had to learn with partners in
waltz or swing, I must yield to my partner and stop trying to lead. I begin 2018 with a forward glance of uncertainty:
will I return to SDSU for a fourth academic year--in the same role or a new
one--and if not, where will I go next, and what shall I do?
And yet, the nourishment:
I’ve done quite a lot creatively over the past year, in many facets of the
arts. I gave myself June and July to
explore ideas and experiment. The summer
was like a cotton jersey dress: less exciting than the summer of 2016, but
comfortable, versatile, breezy, productive in input if not as much in
output. Despite being relatively
planted, I also snuck in a few trips. I
spent a long weekend visiting friends in Minneapolis; Anne, Becky, the nephews,
and I had a great camping trip to the Badlands and Black Hills. I went
to Colorado and Wyoming in July, fitting in Laramie, Denver, Colorado Springs,
and Grand Junction to see extended family, former SDSU colleagues, and friends
from past lives: college, Peace Corps, and Camp E-Nini-Hassee. I’ve taken personal, internal journeys, through
challenges like the Marie Kondo approach to minimizing belongings and the Whole
30 food plan. I’ve made new friends and
relished in creating silent time alone with myself. I didn’t know what 2017
would bring, but I’m so grateful for the moments that transpired in the past
year.
Without further ado, here
are some of the fruits of those moments:
·
Theatre: helped backstage in Brookings Community Theatre’s The Nerd; played 9 roles in A. R.
Gurney’s The Dining Room, a Habitat
for Humanity production performed just days before Gurney’s death; maintained a
voice in the BCT script committee, which recommends shows for production in
Brookings; recently cast as Essie Carmichael in the upcoming BCT production of You Can’t Take It With You.
·
Painting: 2 courses; many pieces; showed
work in shows in 3 different local venues; increased skill with painting in oil
and acrylic, as well as creating canvasses.
·
Writing: published a poem in Pasque Petals, the biannual publication
of the SD State Poetry Society; edited a screenplay written in 2009 and
submitted it to competition; began work on a screenplay adaption of a Peace
Corps volunteer’s memoir; wrote the first half of an original fiction screenplay.
·
Dance: first performance in 7 years, in a
liturgical Christmas dance/choral collaboration comprised mainly of modern and
ballet dances.
·
Music: invested in playing piano, especially
throughout the summer; challenged myself through karaoke to be more comfortable
as a vocalist.
·
Other: started a summer talk radio show on
our college station, KSDJ 90.7, incorporating different guests, and
collaborating with a student on his show discussing film.
·
Professional work: co-presented 3 sessions
with students at the regional Honors Conference, hosted at SDSU; moved to a new
on-campus apartment, adjusted to new a hall assignment and a new demographic
(and higher number) of students; handled many more conduct meetings than in my
previous two years; managed emergency responses, including the death of one of
our department’s student staff members; co-presented with a colleague at a
regional professional conference; continued coaching in our sophomore
leadership program; and, as a benefit of sticking around for a third year, grew
in my relationships with students as they progress in their college experience.
Of course, my life is
also filled by my family, the immediate members of whom are all conveniently
nearby, in Salem, Vermillion, and Sioux Falls.
Anne transferred to SDSU in January, increasing the Mayrose Jackrabbits
to 3, and it’s been awesome to have her near.
In May, Becky will be graduated from high school and Michael from
college; Mom, Dad, Bryce, Ronda, Beth, and Jim are doing well, and our four
nephews keep growing up with energy and sass.
For what more could I ask? I’ve lived here longer than any place since
college, which is a strange feeling for me, but Brookings is a wonderful
community, full of opportunity. Physically
and emotionally, I am warm; I am fed. I
am embraced by care and ideas, who are wonderful company. Asked if I want to write plays, make films,
paint images, choreograph dances, write songs, or perform, I can only respond:
Yes! My hope is that I will be able to
continue making progress toward impactful expression in any and all of those
mediums. And perhaps the biggest fruit
of 2017 and its corresponding goal is the most uncertain. While I have no desire for children at the
moment, I am aware of my age and its implications. Since March, I’ve been actively pursuing
surrogate motherhood, which could allow me the miracle of pregnancy while assisting
others who are ready to experience parenthood.
I’ve had numerous conversations with lovely individuals exploring this
option. Due to timing and other factors,
I have not yet found a match that is just right, but the search continues. Wherever the road leads, I am sure this journey
will be an important one in 2018.
The year has been a
dynamic one for our country and our world, and my small experience reflects
broader concerns: an unclear future instills genuine unease. Yet I see constant evidence of good people
doing good work, and I hope that my deeds are seen in kind. As always, I embrace vulnerability, gratitude,
and the unknown. Wishing you and
yours—indeed, all of ours—a most
wonderful year to come.
In peace and hope,
Andrea
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