2020 End-of-Year Reflection

 Dear friends, far and near-but-distanced,

What a ride 2020 has been.

I kicked off the new year by applying, again, to graduate school at the University of Michigan-Ann Arbor for their interdisciplinary fine arts program. My sister Beth moved from our house in Brookings to Wayne, Nebraska, to join her husband Alex, and my sister Anne moved in from Sioux Falls for a semester of on-campus classes. A late January visit to Colorado was fruitful but difficult and made it clear that the time was right to start processing my post-surrogacy emotions with a counselor. (To be clear, these feelings have never included regret. I visited a counselor proactively pre-legal agreement and conception attempts, as well as pre-delivery. We always predicted I would eventually revisit a counselor post-delivery. It was something akin to icing down muscles post-marathon: you know you'll be sore before you start, and afterward, happy to have completed the run, you must give your body what it needs to heal. )

February was a busy month for my work with Brookings Community Theatre (BCT); I directed a "Musical Theatre Talent Showcase," working with several great community members and SDSU students for a one-night performance in a new event center in town. I chose "Somewhere in the Middle of Nowhere" from Come From Away and "Once and For All" from Newsies as the opening and closing ensemble numbers. Anne jumped in at the dress rehearsal to help cover a duet for a performer who'd fallen ill, and the event was a success. (Listen to the Spotify playlist to hear professional versions of our song lineup.) Working on an incredibly tight rehearsal schedule, this event rekindled my aspirations to direct, choreograph, and organize performances. I hope the future includes more such opportunities. I also spearheaded a South Dakota Arts Council grant proposal for BCT in my role as a board member. This comprehensive proposal took a significant amount of time but yielded a grant of $2,424 as announced in July, as well as created a template from which to work for future applications for this annual funding opportunity. These efforts, combined with evening rehearsals for our spring show, Rabbit Hole (in which I was cast as Nat, the grandmother), made for a busy BCT month.

March came, and with it an end to long-distance breastfeeding, a return to the gym, and a plan to reconnect with friends after my busy February and five months of milking myself anywhere from 1-8 hours per day. Then, of course, the Earth shifted. Our run of Rabbit Hole (a brilliantly-written show by David Lindsay-Abaire) was cancelled after one performance. Work went remote. Everything was put on hold as we tried to make sense of this new virus, to protect ourselves and those around us.

Anne and I spent a lot of quality time at home and, with plenty of time to cook, completed the Whole30 challenge. I started running every weeknight and doing workouts every weekday morning with Beth and a few others, led by one of her friends via HouseParty. Becky stayed with Anne and me for a couple weeks. We began preparing to move when our lease ended in May.

It was announced that my summer job at Harvard, where I was returning for a fourth (non-consecutive) turn as an Assistant Dean of the Secondary School Program, would go fully online. I still had a job but no longer had the housing it normally provides, nor the restorative energy that I was so looking forward to in Cambridge. Meanwhile, I had not been admitted to graduate school; instead, I was in the midst of applying for a major career pivot and did not want to make an extreme move or sign a lease while that process was pending. So I joined Mom and Becky in my hometown of Salem. Hopes for a summer of "Have laptop, will travel," were mostly thwarted, as Covid showed no signs of abating. Nonetheless, we had some quality adventures, including kicking off the summer by camping with Ronda, the four nephews, Beth, Mike, & Becky at Sylvan Lake and in the Badlands. 

Summer School went pretty smoothly online; it was less work than a typical summer but also less rewarding. Still, I enjoyed the talented and affirming students and colleagues who make Harvard such a wonderful place. In August, I transitioned to a temporary, remote position in SDSU's Title IX/EO office, covering a colleague's maternity leave. Through mid-October, I helped investigate claims of discrimination and sexual misconduct, still working from (mom's) home.

Selection for the long-term job for which I'd applied was still in progress, so I then accepted another temporary position, back in SDSU's Department of Housing & Residential Life (my employer from July 2015-2020). This came with a discounted lease for a furnished guest apartment adjacent to campus, bringing me back to Brookings. After spending most of the past six months in my mom's basement, being a grown-up in my own space and shopping for/cooking my own meals has been a healthy change. The job was set to end December 4th. However, I learned on November 30th that the finish line again shifted, and the career path for which I've applied has become more competitive and would not begin for up to another 6 months. Moreover, there is no guaranteed timeline for when I'll have an official yes or no. These days, I roll with the punches and don't plan too far ahead. While the uncertainty of the shifting ground is not ideal, I've been fortunate to remain gainfully employed throughout the time that Covid-19 has impacted us, and for that I'm deeply grateful.

Nalerie Renae Sutton-Talley, the little girl who joined our world October 3, 2019, remains a shining light in my life. After their Christmas visit to my family in Salem and my January visit to her family in Colorado, trips to see her in March and October were cancelled due to Covid-19. However, dads Jacob and Andrew brought her to see Anne and me a few days before Mother's Day, while they were visiting their families in South Dakota. I then spent two weeks at their (new!) home in Greeley in July, and we had a fabulous time playing house. (Visits to Peace Corps friend Emily and Camp E-Nini-Hassee friends Katie & Rachel bookended this time and made for a wonderful work-remotely summer trip.) Nalerie's adoption was finalized in August, legally terminating my parental rights and, at long last, fully recognizing both her fathers on her birth certificate. It was a tearful but joyful session of "Zoom court." Baby girl turned one in October; she, big brother Isaac, and dads Andrew and Jacob are a dearly loved extension of our family. The visits with a counselor, a couple of creative projects, time, and looking forward to new chapters have all helped in my healing and in right-sizing their place in my heart. We are so fortunate that our surrogacy partnership has been everything we hoped (and planned) for it to be. Stay tuned--there may still be a book, yet. Time will tell!

In September, I had an enjoyable two-week stay with my brother Bryce and his family (Ronda, Caleb, Isaac, Micah, & Asher) in Vermillion, including time with each of the boys and plenty of pleasant autumn walks around their neighborhood. Before and after that visit, I spent many hours going through my "life archives": 20+ totes of all my earthly belongings: childhood mementos, journals, college books, legal documents, and so on, of mostly sentimental value. I culled and sorted, but more useful was the opportunity for deep remembering and reflecting. It was, in many ways, a chance to revisit myself: my past, my dreams, my goals. In this time of treading water, it has been helpful to reimagine who I have been and whom I still hope to become.

I also forced myself to start dating again. Surrogacy--which was, all told, a 3-year journey--had left no emotional space for romance, and my work/class/theatre schedule left little time for lingering, open-ended dates. This year, though Covid has altered our perception of time, the clock's insistent ticking toward 37 sounded loudly in my ears, so I reticently reactivated an old dating app profile. After a handful of video or mostly-outside dates with several nice people, I found myself wanting to keep spending my weekends with a charming guy from Sioux Falls. We've been together(ish) for three months, and while I'm not quite sure we want the same life, we sure do have a good time. He's fluent in all the love languages and we've explored a surprising number of activities--golf, tennis, climbing, hiking, cooking, pumpkin carving, cooking & baking--together, despite the current environment. We even snuck in a long-weekend getaway to the Black Hills in my transition between jobs. With our social interactions otherwise limited, sharing a bubble of our individual households of one has been deeply positive, and I'm excited to keep spending quality time with him.

While I consider myself civically active, I had not been deeply politically involved since I worked on a Republican campaign back in 2002. Now, having been registered Independent for many years, I was excited to do phone-banking across numerous states to help Joe Biden win this fall's election. It was encouraging to talk to voters, and I breathed a sigh of relief when Biden & Harris were officially declared the victors. The line between loss and win is thin, though, and the election reminded me that we must start listening, and truly trying to understand each other, if we are to unify not just our country but our individual communities.

I'm still waiting to see where I might set sail in 2021. I'll keep the current aspiration under wraps for now, hinting only that my interest in the field was re-ignited by a prominent fellow Harvard alum/peer. Knowing that the odds are slim that this opportunity will be granted to me, I have some serious work to do in exploring other options for the near future. I'm pretty accustomed to changing angles when I miss a swing. The ocean of possibility is vast and deep.

For now, I'm happy, healthy, and (as far as I know) Covid-free. (Thankfully, the members of my family who contracted the virus earlier in the year have also recovered.) I must acknowledge my own privilege, particularly in regard to the deep troubles our nation has faced in confronting racist and violent undercurrents. Lives were unduly and tragically ended this year: not just by an indiscriminate virus, but also by a planet in accelerating decline and an insidious devaluing of Black life. Black Lives Matter. Science is real. My own life's peaks and valleys are minor given our real challenges as a society and a global community to address real, life-threatening issues, and I hope I can keep a broader perspective in determining how to do my part. We have a lot of healing to do as a nation. I'm hopeful for the new leadership taking the helm in January. I'm hopeful we can still build the future that the next generation--including my nephews, Nalerie, and her brother--deserve to inherit.

Sending love and warmth to you and yours,

Andrea

2019 End-of-Year Reflection

Friends & loved ones,

May this find you looking back fondly on memories of the year quickly drawing to a close.

For me, 2019 was the year of the baby.

I’ve hinted in my last two annual updates that surrogacy could play a role in my life this year. To my delight (and that of her fathers), it defined it. I conceived on January 16^th and gave birth on October 3^rd. I’ve just reached the end of the “fourth trimester”—that time of healing and recovery post-birth. I’m long-distance breastfeeding, and the baby—Nalerie Renae Sutton-Talley—still feels very near as a result. I had the great joy of gathering not just with my family, but with hers, at Christmas this year.

The experience has taught and touched me deeply, in ways I’m still wrapping my head around. People have babies all the time, so it seems normal, but it was the hardest and most amazing thing I have ever done. The fact that our bodies can make another human is extraordinary, and that she came to us in every way we hoped she would assures me that the Divine had a hand in it.

I did some other things this year, too. I took animation and acting courses, finished a painting or two, and took part in three theatre festivals in which plays I wrote were workshopped/performed as staged readings. I traveled to Florida, Utah, & Iowa for family weddings and quality time. I helped Bryce & Ronda’s family move into a new home in March and joined them on vacation to Branson in June. I took some lovely walks. I helped with a couple Brookings Community Theatre plays and joined the board. I took part in the Christmas dance performance for the third time, this year in SDSU’s beautiful new performing arts theatre.

I also finished my fourth year as a Residence Hall Director at South Dakota State University. Leaving that role meant the end of on-campus housing, so I moved across the street to live with Beth. Our other sisters and I were delighted to be at her side when she married Alex in October, and it’s been a joy living together these past seven months. I stayed on at SDSU within the same department, now as a Secretary for Student Conduct & Residential Life. This mostly clerical role is wildly different from the multidirectional pull and juggle of RHD life, but it’s been a welcome reprieve, creating space for baby and for me in the time of her transition from my body into the bigger world.

The beginning of the year was filled—with pregnancy, travel, classes, extra duties at work, excitement, fatigue. These past few months have been rather the opposite—work, sleep, and breast-pumping for hours a day, but little more. Recovering from the physical work of labor was harder than I anticipated, and lactation can be all-encompassing. It has been a good opportunity to exercise grace and change my expectations for myself, accepting new limitations, at least for now.

Everything I’ve done this year is in direct relation to Baby. Changing my job, moving, and taking a break from classes and hobbies—all were done in consideration of her needs and doing my best to care for her. Having become “plural” for a time, I’m still adjusting to being a singular entity once again.

What comes next after the thing you’ve long hoped for comes and goes? The answer is not yet clear to me. I’m throwing my hat back in the ring at the University of Michigan—Ann Arbor for consideration as an MFA student. I'll miss Beth as she joins Alex in Nebraska in the coming days, yet I'm looking forward to Anne taking her place as my housemate. I’m enjoying Brookings while I’m here, though I sense a coming change in the winds.

My life is a little quieter, but my heart is full. I am beyond grateful to the Sutton-Talleys: Jacob, Andrew, and Isaac--for bringing me into their lives and allowing me to be part of Nalerie joining their family. Our surrogacy partnership was a dream come true—hopefully for them, and undoubtedly for me. I am uncertain where the future will take me. I suppose such is always true at points like this, of reflecting back and peering forward. Yet, if hope is the thing with feathers, as Emily Dickinson suggests, certainly that thing is still perched in my soul—singing the tune without words, and never stopping at all.

Please know how grateful I am for the kind support and love shown to me, baby, and her family throughout this past year. I hope that you and yours are in good health and high spirits as we enter 2020.

With love,

Andréa

2018 End-of-Year Reflection

Friends,

2018. It's only two weeks behind us, and yet it feels long departed.

Much of the past year feels shaped by my classes. I took Composition & Choreography and Dance for Musical Theatre in the spring, followed by Stagecraft and Playwriting in the fall. I played Grace (the secretary to Oliver Warbucks) in the Brookings Community Theatre production of Annie over the summer, and assistant-directed Radium Girls in the fall. I completed the second half of the screenplay I wrote in Fall 2017. In painting, I finished my first two commissions and showed pieces in a variety of exhibits in the region. I also had the opportunity to perform again in the Christmas dance/choral celebration.

I did some part-time work at a golf course over the summer, which was a great opportunity to do hands-on work in a non-supervisory role, though I still have never played a round of golf. I'm in my 4th year as a Residence Hall Director at SDSU, and I feel like a senior in this second go-around at college. I still love my job and have learned how to be efficient enough to make all my other pursuits fit. With an RHD vacancy, I've taken on Honors Hall again, in addition to Caldwell and Schultz, and I now help support 22 staff members, a Graduate Assistant, and over 500 students. I give a number of guest lectures across campus but have stepped back from the LeadState program this year. It's a constant juggling act, but it's quite the pleasant circus. The Mary Poppins in me is a keen observer of the changing winds, however, and I anticipate that the door may open to new adventures in the year now before us.

My family experienced a number of milestones this past year. My youngest sister, Becky, completed high school and is now in an independent living skills day program, commuting with our Mom. Anne moved to Sioux Falls and turned 21. Jim recovered from a handgun accident and has moved to Florida to pursue his career in fine food service and be nearer to our maternal family. Beth got engaged to Alex Kenkel and is planning an October 2019 wedding. Michael was graduated from USD, studied abroad in New Zealand shortly after his commencement ceremony, spent some time in Salem/Sioux Falls working, and moved to Afghanistan as a civilian security contractor in October. Bryce switched companies in his work; he and Ronda are looking at a possible new home in the country. Caleb transitioned from Catholic elementary school to public middle school, and Isaac, Micah, and Asher keep getting older, smarter, and more entertaining. Mom and Dad both recovered well from emergency surgeries during the year and find ways to enjoy their individual almost-empty nests. Mom continues to be an R.N. at the VA Hospital traveled overseas with her first medical mission, and Dad retired from Sanford Hospital and is keeping busy with projects around the house.

A year ago, I was caught between pulling forces of malaise and creative urging, ready for grad school but not quite, and unsure of the direction of my creative pursuits. I kept on keeping on, to fruitful results, and 2019 holds much promise. Two of my plays (a 10-minute and full-length) were chosen for staged readings at college festivals: one in Sioux Falls, which I'll be able to attend as the playwright, and one here at SDSU.  I submitted a graduate school application to an interdisciplinary Master of Fine Arts Program just over a week ago (which trumped timely completion of this update). I'm enrolled in two classes--Foundations of Animation and Intermediate Acting--this spring. The students are back, campus is abuzz, and the semester is off to the races with a palpable energy.

Themes of parenthood and family have played heavily in my creative work throughout the past year. In last year's update, I shared my pursuit of surrogacy, and as I predicted, that exploration has been an integral part of 2018. The journey continues, and it's an exciting one of heart, mind, and body. I'm so grateful for those with me on the path, and I look forward to seeing where 2019 brings us, together.

With the advent of 2019, I turned 35, which feels momentous somehow. I can no longer pretend that I'm a young adult, and any void left by my erstwhile youth is more than filled with the memories of those years. Being 20 meant longing and hoping for the experiences that 35 has already known. What joy, indeed, to have known them!

Perhaps one of the most interesting features of this past year is the distance I feel from the troubles of our nation. There's a local-ness to South Dakota that can be insulating. While dangerous, it's also protective. Disconnected from the larger turmoil, I can focus my energy here: on these students, these projects, these tangible and immediate moments. If there's anything that the Peace Corps taught me, it's that we change the world by positively impacting our own community, wherever we find ourselves at present, and Brookings is a great place to pursue just that. Nonetheless, I am hopeful for better days to come, and I anticipate that there will be ways to be more connected to the big picture in the year ahead.

For all of you, and for the past year, I am grateful. Wishing you a year of joy and peace,
Andrea

2017 End-of-Year Reflection

I came to add my 2018 annual reflection, and realized I had never posted the one from last year. Here it is!

As 2018 dawns, I hope this finds you content and well.  The semester break has been a welcome reprieve from a semester that was fruitful and life-giving but also exhausting.  Reflecting on the year and writing this update have proven more difficult than usual.  Two forces tug at me—malaise and uncertainty, in one direction, and a newly-nourished creative spirit, in the other.  I’ve spent the past year thinking that this week would have me wrapping up graduate school applications for multidisciplinary MFA programs, a mental concoction drawing from these ingredients:

December 2016 completion of the GRE; May 2017 payoff of my undergraduate debt; June-July 2017 off-contract period used for creative work and learning; Spring 2017 class in painting and Fall 2017 courses in painting and screenwriting.

Imagine my disappointment to arrive at the deadline for applications and find that I’m not ready. In the words of one professor, I don’t yet know what kind of work I want to make or how I want to make it, which makes choosing programs hard. It makes developing a body of work to gain acceptance to competitive (and well-funded) programs even harder. As my 34^th birthday approaches, there is, perhaps, a sense of urgency to move forward, but the map before me is bewildering, enticing me in many directions at once. Perhaps the malaise pulling against this creative impulse grows out of my dance with time. My partner Time, it seems, is not ready for graduate school, nor convinced that it is the best next step.  Just as I’ve had to learn with partners in waltz or swing, I must yield to my partner and stop trying to lead.  I begin 2018 with a forward glance of uncertainty: will I return to SDSU for a fourth academic year--in the same role or a new one--and if not, where will I go next, and what shall I do?

And yet, the nourishment: I’ve done quite a lot creatively over the past year, in many facets of the arts.  I gave myself June and July to explore ideas and experiment.  The summer was like a cotton jersey dress: less exciting than the summer of 2016, but comfortable, versatile, breezy, productive in input if not as much in output.  Despite being relatively planted, I also snuck in a few trips.  I spent a long weekend visiting friends in Minneapolis; Anne, Becky, the nephews, and I had a great camping trip to the Badlands and Black Hills.   I went to Colorado and Wyoming in July, fitting in Laramie, Denver, Colorado Springs, and Grand Junction to see extended family, former SDSU colleagues, and friends from past lives: college, Peace Corps, and Camp E-Nini-Hassee.  I’ve taken personal, internal journeys, through challenges like the Marie Kondo approach to minimizing belongings and the Whole 30 food plan.  I’ve made new friends and relished in creating silent time alone with myself. I didn’t know what 2017 would bring, but I’m so grateful for the moments that transpired in the past year.

Without further ado, here are some of the fruits of those moments:

·       Theatre: helped backstage in Brookings Community Theatre’s The Nerd; played 9 roles in A. R. Gurney’s The Dining Room, a Habitat for Humanity production performed just days before Gurney’s death; maintained a voice in the BCT script committee, which recommends shows for production in Brookings; recently cast as Essie Carmichael in the upcoming BCT production of You Can’t Take It With You.

·       Painting: 2 courses; many pieces; showed work in shows in 3 different local venues; increased skill with painting in oil and acrylic, as well as creating canvasses.

·       Writing: published a poem in Pasque Petals, the biannual publication of the SD State Poetry Society; edited a screenplay written in 2009 and submitted it to competition; began work on a screenplay adaption of a Peace Corps volunteer’s memoir; wrote the first half of an original fiction screenplay.

·       Dance: first performance in 7 years, in a liturgical Christmas dance/choral collaboration comprised mainly of modern and ballet dances.

·       Music: invested in playing piano, especially throughout the summer; challenged myself through karaoke to be more comfortable as a vocalist.

·       Other: started a summer talk radio show on our college station, KSDJ 90.7, incorporating different guests, and collaborating with a student on his show discussing film.

·       Professional work: co-presented 3 sessions with students at the regional Honors Conference, hosted at SDSU; moved to a new on-campus apartment, adjusted to new a hall assignment and a new demographic (and higher number) of students; handled many more conduct meetings than in my previous two years; managed emergency responses, including the death of one of our department’s student staff members; co-presented with a colleague at a regional professional conference; continued coaching in our sophomore leadership program; and, as a benefit of sticking around for a third year, grew in my relationships with students as they progress in their college experience.

Of course, my life is also filled by my family, the immediate members of whom are all conveniently nearby, in Salem, Vermillion, and Sioux Falls.  Anne transferred to SDSU in January, increasing the Mayrose Jackrabbits to 3, and it’s been awesome to have her near.  In May, Becky will be graduated from high school and Michael from college; Mom, Dad, Bryce, Ronda, Beth, and Jim are doing well, and our four nephews keep growing up with energy and sass.

For what more could I ask?  I’ve lived here longer than any place since college, which is a strange feeling for me, but Brookings is a wonderful community, full of opportunity.  Physically and emotionally, I am warm; I am fed.  I am embraced by care and ideas, who are wonderful company.  Asked if I want to write plays, make films, paint images, choreograph dances, write songs, or perform, I can only respond: Yes!  My hope is that I will be able to continue making progress toward impactful expression in any and all of those mediums.  And perhaps the biggest fruit of 2017 and its corresponding goal is the most uncertain.  While I have no desire for children at the moment, I am aware of my age and its implications.  Since March, I’ve been actively pursuing surrogate motherhood, which could allow me the miracle of pregnancy while assisting others who are ready to experience parenthood.  I’ve had numerous conversations with lovely individuals exploring this option.  Due to timing and other factors, I have not yet found a match that is just right, but the search continues.  Wherever the road leads, I am sure this journey will be an important one in 2018.

The year has been a dynamic one for our country and our world, and my small experience reflects broader concerns: an unclear future instills genuine unease.  Yet I see constant evidence of good people doing good work, and I hope that my deeds are seen in kind.  As always, I embrace vulnerability, gratitude, and the unknown.  Wishing you and yours—indeed, all of ours—a most wonderful year to come.

In peace and hope,

Andrea

2016 End-of-Year Reflection

Dear ones,
As 2016 draws to a close, I'll be celebrating in a fashion akin to how I spent the year--rallying a crew of old and new friends, connecting people to each other, moving from a big task just completed to the next item of business, playing dress-up, and mixing an overall playfulness with age-appropriate responsibility.

It's healthy, I think, to reflect back on the past year; in doing so, we relive moments we'd already begun to shelve deep on the wall of memory, and we realize that however quotidian our days may seem, the year has indeed been filled with extraordinary moments.  Without further ado, here's the 2016 Year In Review:

I started the year as a second-semester Residence Hall Director at SDSU in Brookings, SD.  I gave a TEDx talk at the inaugural SDSU event with my sister, Beth, then a college senior.  I'm not sure we ever titled the talk, but we basically related a silly baboon incident from our shared time in Zambia to how different perceptions cause conflict in the world, and how we can work to change that.  In theory, it will be on the Internet eventually; stay tuned.  For us as sisters, this was a labor-intensive but fruitful endeavor.

I added three more roles on the stage with Brookings Community Theatre, in Nightwatch, The Hollow, and It's a Wonderful Life: Live Radio Play.  This has been a great way to get involved in the community and build theatre experience; the four shows I've done in the past 14 months have been in four different venues.

Professionally, I've had some great opportunities:creating a poster presentation to share on campus, co-presenting with a student staff member at the regional student Honors conference, hiring and training a new staff, and attending the regional conference for ACUHO, a professional Residential Life organization.  I've also been fortunate to work with LeadState, our sophomore leadership program, run by faculty and staff volunteers across campus.

Much of this has been possible because I returned to SDSU for a second academic year, which has proven very fruitful.  I love living in an academic setting and being surrounded by spunky, smart students.  I've done a lot of studying, too: first for the Foreign Service Officer Test (round three; I'm in the same spot I've been twice before, waiting to see if I'm invited to the orals) and then for the GRE, which I took yesterday.

As much as I enjoy SDSU and being near my family in South Dakota, however, one of the highlights of the past year was the two months spent away.  My position has a ten-month contract, which created two delicious months ripe for summer adventure.  I managed to make one trip east into five or more mini-trips, starting with a Greyhound ride and including my 10-year college reunion, backpacking in central Massachusetts with my sister Anne, visiting friends and family in Chicago, Boston, Brockton, Scituate, Washington, D.C., Portland, ME, and New York City, and culminating with a job as the Head Resident Teaching Fellow at Hotchkiss Summer Portals, a middle- and high-school program at an esteemed boarding school in Lakeville, CT.  It was a satiating blend of old and new--seeing dear folk who've known me, and whom I've known, in different places in our lives, and making new friends and exploring possibilities for the future.  Still nomadic at heart, I love these opportunities to step out of my daily experience, reflect on what has been, and daydream about what can be.  I am grateful for the hospitality shown to my sister and me during our travels, and I hope to reciprocate to any friends traveling our way!

Looking forward to 2017:  I'm excited to go deeper in relationships with my students and to continue to strive toward a balanced, healthy life.  I expect to pay off my undergraduate debt by June, so I feel new freedom to explore graduate schools, and I'm considering MFA and MA programs, eventually working toward a PhD.  In preparation, I'm hoping to take a studio art class this semester, do some writing, and seek out opportunities for creative collaboration.  What comes next is yet veiled, but I feel no haste and look forward to it revealing itself in due course.  Like much of the nation, I am uncertain what the future holds, but I remain hopeful.

As always, the best moments of the past year have been those of connection and intimacy with friends and family.  I hope for many like moments in 2017.  Wishing you and yours a fabulous year to come!

In peace,
Andrea

Hiking the Midstate Trail in Massachusetts

My sister (18) and I (32) were planning a 7-10 day hike. She's a total beginner. I've done some hiking and one 2-night, 32-mile backpacking trip, but have other experience as a wilderness counselor (leading 2-3 week canoe trips=food repacking & prep, primitive camping, handling weather & other challenges; Peace Corps=lugging around a heavy backpack, figuring out Plan B, C, D, etc.). It was harder than we expected to find reasonable long hikes in the NE area. All long hikes seemed to have numerous "no camping allowed" areas, which makes it pretty difficult to do an extended or through-hike!  We stumbled across the MST (figuratively--on the Internet) and it seemed like a good fit because it went through/near numerous towns (helpful if you need to bail early or have a medical emergency), was described as a pretty easy trail, and could be accomplished end-to-end in 6 or 7 days, we figured, and we made commitments on the following days that would bind us to this end date.


Our plan was to start at the southern terminus (near Douglas) on Saturday morning.  The goal was to hike around 15 miles/day until the northern terminus, ending on Thursday night.  This appeared to be about 10-15 miles from Fitchburg, so we planned to road-walk there (or hitch a ride, or find other hikers headed that way--it wasn't a very specific plan) to catch a commuter rail (every 90-120 minutes during weekday daytime hours) to Boston, where family would meet us.


Here's what actually happened:
Day 1 (11ish miles): We started at 11AM as planned.  From the Southwest Main Street drop-off in Douglas, described on "A Thru-hiker's Guide to the Massachusetts Midstate Trail" (a very useful 4-page addendum found elsewhere on this site, I believe--thanks, "Nameless Mike" Benedetti!) we headed down a path to the trail.  You run it to it and then have to backtrack if you want to start at the actual southern terminus, then retrace your steps and follow it north.  We did this.  So we thought.  We kept walking and not hitting the southern terminus.  Finally, we ran across other hikers who explained that we were already about 2.5 miles north of the terminus.  We decided it wasn't worth it to backtrack this extra distance to touch Rhode Island and continued north. We walked about 11 miles and finally camped in the backyard area of a church - First Baptist - in Sutton.  A gentleman who owned the property next door said that folks had done this before and it shouldn't be a problem.  We found literally no place to camp for at least four miles prior to that due to either thick underbrush or heavy residential areas.  We made sure we were up and out early on Sunday (by 8:10 AM) prior to the church's service at 9:30 AM.


Our mileage went down the next couple of days and we realized by day 2-3 that a through-hike was no longer a priority for us.  Our packs were about 40 pounds each and this weighed us down significantly.  (I'll include a gear list later down, but suffice it to say we carried some supplies we didn't need. Overall were still pretty frugal packers, but water and food are heavy, and if you don't buy super-expensive, ultra-light gear you'll have a few extra ounces here and there that add up.)  We were totally exhausted after 11 miles and didn't want to rush through the trail in intense pain, so we decided to just enjoy the journey and go wherever we could.  Fifteen miles/day may not be unrealistic for many people on many trails, but it was for us.


Day 2 (9.5ish): the church where we stayed was apparently just past a turn (Junction of Central Pike and Douglas Road?) because we realized after a mile or two on Day 2 that we were significantly off the trail.  An iPhone map feature was very helpful in determining this, because we could compare our current location to the map and determine how to reroute.  Rather than backtracking, we found another road that would get us back on the trail.  Essentially, we stayed on that road (the pike? Sutton Trail Ave? it's hard to tell on the map), then went noth west on Sacarrappa Road until we hit Brown.  This worked great, except that part of Sacarrappa Road is actually closed off.  The bridge is "out"--but it could hold cement barriers so we figured it could hold us.  It did, and we found a nice water source under this bridge.  Unfortunately this road has also been the victim of a lot of dumping. :(  We camped the second night just after the turnoff from Putnam Road, prior to the big hill.  It was a nice wilderness-y area.  We got pummeled with rain but our Wilderness Technology North Duo tent ($80 from 2nd Adventure, free shipping, pretty lightweight!) held up just fine.  We hung our food in a bag in a tree but we could hear a dog in the distance and suspected there were houses nearby, so it may not have been necessary.


Day 3 (7ish): There is no "sturdy bridge" over the stream that we found, but it wasn't too difficult to navigate.  The next turnoff, which leads you back into the woods, came quickly but was VERY easy to miss. You're walking up a pretty steep hill under the powerlines and are so focused on moving upward that you can easily miss it.  It's a small painted blaze on a short post, not a plastic marker on a power line pole as others are.  We walked up the hill and had to retrace our steps to find it.  The "swampy" section appeared swampy, indeed, and my sister realized she was enjoying the road-walking better, so we skipped over that and just continued along Borkum.  We were really excited about the campground listed on the guide as "Charlton City Camping" next to Wee Laddie Pond.  However, when we got there, we saw no evidence of a campsite.  The few people we asked had never heard of it.  However, there was a "Virgin Mary Spiritual Vineyard" in the respective area on the map.  We continued walking and got to another long residential section.  We were ready to stop and there didn't seem to be any reasonable camping spots coming up.  We asked if we could use an out-of-the way spot (owned, we learned, by Canterbury Acres-- a horse farm and special needs program, very lovely!) to put up a tent, but the owner refused due to liability.  Homeowners a bit further up on E. Charlton Road, however, generously allowed us to use a section of their yard (a bit shielded from the house by some trees) and we camped. 


Day 4 (8.5ish): Got nervous about water but reached the subdivision before running out.  A generous homeowner let us fill up from his hose. When we reached the Route 9 junction, we stopped at the Spencer Country Inn to figure out our plan to get home, since we'd be ending much further south than we'd planned (not near Fitchburg) and knew that we might have fewer intersections with/near towns after crossing Route 9.  Louise was very helpful there and gave some local intel on potential ways to get back.  We also charged our phones and used them to look up bus schedules, etc.  The inn is also a restaurant and although it isn't open Monday or Tuesday for dining, we could have stayed if we liked.  ($55 for a room.)  We definitely recommend stopping by this place--it's full of charm and history, and if you're going southbound and need a day to recuperate (or if it's pouring rain), this might be a good overnight or meal option.  We made it to the Moose Hill shelter with plenty of time to spare and spent the afternoon relaxing.  We again hung our food in a tree.  The area seemed to be crawling with poison ivy (though we aren't sure), so be careful!  The pond seemed stagnant but the water was OK after filtering.  There are houses not too far and some folks were walking their dogs along the path before 9AM in the morning so just be aware of this so you're not taken by surprise.


Day 5 (11ish): The plan we concocted with Louise's help, after looking at numerous options, was to veer off the trail about a mile north of Moose Hill Shelter.  Rather than crossing Paxton Road, we took a right and headed east toward the town of Paxton.  This would be a very short day -- around 5-7 miles.  Our hope was to stay here (in the Cascades Park, if possible) and then walk another 6-8 miles to Worcester on Day 6, where we could catch the commuter rail to Boston.  This would get us back a day early, but my sister's blisters were painful, and we didn't want to continue further on the trail and put ourselves in a position in which we couldn't get back on Friday due to weather, distance, etc.  However, this park is interesting.  It can be tricky to get in (GPS helped here too) but it's neither a developed city park (i.e. no bathrooms or picnic shelters we could find) nor an overnight camp site (closed at night).  It's lovely with trails, etc. in the midst of the city, but wasn't helpful to us.  So we just kept road walking.  We had suspected that it might be difficult to find a place to camp between Paxton and Worcester.  We hadn't realized that there is essentially no division between the two cities and that we'd be walking about five miles in Worcester proper.  We learned that when you have hiking gear in the city, kind people assume you are hard up and offer you food.  Little did they know, we still had about 8-9 pounds of food we wanted to stop carrying around.  We caught the 5:20PM commuter rail ($10.50 one-way to Boston, per person) and booked a hotel on Hotwire ($135 with fees) on our phones on the way.  Had we planned further in advance, we could have potentially camped on the Boston Harbor Islands to save money and preserve the camping experience, despite leaving the trail early.  We also realized that we could have stayed on the trail another day, reconnected at Thompson Road (just south of Browning Pond), and essentially done Day 5's road walking on Day 6.


Some general summary notes:
1. Roads are not often marked, so you'll hit a junction and not be sure if this is the correct road.
2. If you go more than a minute (not walking too quickly) without seeing a marker of some kind (new or faded blaze), you're probably off the trail.  This may not hold true everywhere but seemed to be the general rule.
3. There really aren't that many places to camp.  When we read that you can camp on private property with owners' permission, we imagined a far end of a paddock or an out-of-sight area on their land.  It might mean you are literally camping in their front yard because that's the only thing available.  This can make going to the bathroom very awkward.
4. Although the trail road-walks through towns, this may not be as convenient as you think.  For example, we walked by a lot of houses, but not a lot of public trash bins or convenience stores.
5. Hiking S-N is a bit more challenging because you're reading the trail guide in reverse.  Which means when you read "Turn onto E. Charlton Road," you've already been on that road for a while, and you're now turning off it.  It seems common sensical but it can actually be pretty confusing, so you need to read ahead and evaluate the instructions to make sure you're not confusing yourself.  (This applies to mileage notes as well--you may think you've hit a certain distance once you hit that road, but the mileage is referring to the other end of that road where you get off of it.)
6.  In general there were many water sources.  However, just because some brooks/ponds/etc. are mentioned in the guide, don't assume this is all of them.  There are many others and as beginners we weren't sure where we'd find them so we had to guess about whether to stock up fully (= more weight) or continue on to the next source.
7.  Be wary of calling this route "easy."  No route is easy when you're carrying gear.  We found the road walking to be especially hard on our feet.  Even without doing the mountain sections of this trail, we found some pretty steep hills and up-and-down-movement along the section we did, both on the road and in the wooded areas.
8. Many notes in the guide refer to stone walls, brooks, and cart roads.  However, these are plentiful--especially stone walls.  It can be hard to know if you are truly at the point mentioned.  Do your best to gauge based on the distance you've gone.


Gear:
We bought a lot of gear new but also used what we had between ourselves and our parents.  We were really happy with what we brought and there was nothing we wished we'd brought but didn't.  Some things were extra, but partly that is because we had few medical problems, decent weather, and 2 fewer days on the trail than planned. 
Packs: Cabela's 80 or 90-L pack (way too big but we didn't fill it to capacity; already had this and didn't want to buy another) + Kelty 65-L pack (came with 10-L removable day pack, unclear if this is included in the 65-L capacity but we left it behind; worked great.) Cabela's pack had a cover; Kelty didn't.  Cover is very useful for rain.
Bags: Marmot 40-degree bag & compression sack (already had; worked great) & Copper River 20-degree bag (light but bulky.  However, it was $30; the next best 20-degree options were $130.  The extra bulk was worth the savings as we could attach it to the outside of the pack and line the casing with a trash bag for waterproofing).
Tent: Wilderness Technology North Duo.  Roomy, light (~6 lbs?), very easy to set up, $80.  Recommended.  Does not come with a footprint, but we had a lightweight tarp that worked well and only weighed a few ounces.
Sleeping pad: Thermarest Ridgerest.  Enormous but lightweight.  Pads are nice to have but can easily be $50 or more to get one that compresses nicely.  This was $15 so we gave it a whirl and it worked well.  Much better for car camping than backpacking, although it was easy to strap onto a backpack.  Honestly, it's more of a burden when traveling with packs en route to the trail (e.g. on Greyhound, metro, etc.) because of the bulk than it is on the trail, although it makes it challenging to walk side-by-side with a partner because it makes your pack significantly wider.
First Aid Kit: We put this together using supplies we already had (thanks to a nurse mom).  We used a 7-day pill case to put in small quantities of creams and pills.  Included burn cream, first aid ointment, hydrocortisone cream, allergy pills, benadryl, naproxin (painkiller), and probiotic (in the event of diarrhea).  We also included sterile gloves, aloe vera in a travel-sized bottle, safety pins, ace bandage, guaze, pre-wrap, alcohol wipes, and Potable Aqua purification tablets in the event that our filter broke.
Toiletries: We repacked things in travel-sized bottles (pill bottles also work well).  Dr. Bronner's works great for everything--surprisingly well to cut grease on dishes, and we only used a tiny bit of the 3 ounces we took.  We had both natural bugspray and Deet bugspray (both helpful), as well as MosquitNo bug bracelet (skip it; not useful unless you're around literate mosquitos that read the "Don't bite me" instructions on the band).  We had sunscreen, toothpaste & brushes, floss (with a needle stored inside, to double as a sewing kit), a small comb, tweezers (in case of ticks), contact solution, glasses, and a Burt's Bees poison ivy soap bar we had lying around.
Water Filter: Sawyer Mini, $20.  Worked like a charm.  Put this (and the cleaning plunger, straw & pouch, though we didn't use either so could have skipped them) in a small drawstring bag that we then stored with the cookware.  Protip: Bring two (different-colored) 2-liter soda bottles.  Keep one for unfiltered water, then filter it into the other.  The filter screws right onto the bottle and the suction is helpful.  These also fit nicely into the side pouches of packs.  Additionally, unlike some filters, this allows you to get water at a source and then filter it later.  We also had a Katadyn water bottle with in-bottle filter.  A nice backup but unnecessary; it takes up weight and space in the bottle and makes it hard to drink.
Camp Stove/Cookware: MSR Pocket Rocket.  Awesome.  Lightweight, comes in a case, easy to use.  We also splurged on a Sea-to-Summit Xpot and 2 bowls & mugs which store inside.  We actually ate straight out of the pot usually, so the bowls weren't really necessary but were helpful.  This was a big purchase ($120 for those 5 pieces) but is likely to get a lot of use.  The portability can't be beat.  We were also impressed how easy it was to clean the silicone.  We packed the stove, a lighter (and matches in a ziploc), the cookware, a pocketknife, and a scrubby (didn't need--used our fingers or baby wipes for cleaning) in a mesh bag that also housed our water filter supplies in their own bag.  Very handy.
Safety & Misc. Items: In addition to the pocketknife above, we had another pocketknife, two headlamps, a small flashlight, a camera, extra batteries, a taser (at our father's insistence), a compass that was possibly faulty, two iPhones (on separate cell networks) and chargers, cash, debit cards & IDs, and a Charliecard for transit in Boston.  The camera was helpful for photos without draining battery life on the phones.  We also carried a small trowel for digging catholes, a pair of MaryJane crocs (flipflops would work as well but very nice for moving around campsite or nighttime bathroom runs)--these hooked outside the pack on carabiners.  We skipped toilet paper and carried a packet of unscented baby wipes (multipurpose, highly recommend).  We also carried paracord and numerous small carabiners.
Food: We spent about $180 at a standard grocery store.  It's important to repack food when possible to reduce trash and weight.  Tortillas, simple rice/pasta mixes, mac&cheese with sauce (no milk/butter needed), peanut butter, pop-tarts, lots of granola bars of various types, cracker sandwich packs, organic fruit twists (yum), gummy bears, oatmeal, cream of wheat, tuna & salmon in packets (not tins), babybel & laughing cow cheese, sun-dried tomatoes, and lots of dried fruit (apricots, apples, mangos, craisins, pineapple--too much).  We pre-made a couple bags of trail mix with pretzel bites, cashews, almonds, peanuts, M&Ms, and craisins.  We took salt & pepper in little paper packets (didn't use at all), cooking oil in a travel bottle (helpful but could have skipped), honey (bring less), hot cocoa mix (nice to have in rain), tea bags (ended up not using).  Neither of us are big coffee drinkers so we skipped that.  Overall it was nice mix of cook, no-cook, and eat-while-walking food.  We didn't buy any of the fancy dehydrated meals sold in outdoors stores.  However, we didn't have much for veggies at all.
Clothes: Skip cotton t-shirts.  They stink when you sweat and are cardboard-like when you wash and air-dry.  A quick-dry shirt (likely found at your local thrift store for a couple bucks) is preferable.  Ideally an outfit to wear and an outfit to sleep in are the only necessary items, but it's helpful to have extras so you can wash or if you get soaked.  We each wore sturdy hiking pants (e.g. Columbia quick-dry or cotton cargo pants) with belts, Merrell boots (break in ahead of time), and thick wool socks, like Wigwam, SmartWool, or UnderArmour.  We slept without socks but had two pairs--helpful for washing/drying; dried OK hanging from the back of our pack when in the sun; some better than others. The extra warmth was worth it to preserve our legs from bites, scratches, sunburn, ticks, etc., and the socks were cushiony.  Extra underwear is helpful for cleanliness. We each had leggings/yoga pants and an additional t-shirt to sleep in, as well as a long-sleeved shirt.  We (inadvertently) had extras: hiking pants, leggings, fleece, t-shirt.  Could have planned better in this regard, as a few pieces went totally unused.  However, we only got rained on once, so we'd have used more over more time or in worse weather.  Speaking of rain: we each carried a poncho that went over our bags as well as us.  Critical.  One was small and weighed a few ounces/fit in your hand when stored.  One weighed a pound or two and was bulky.  Work with what you have.  We also carried a baseball cap each (one not used at all) and a bandanna (awesome for holding back grimy hair and many other purposes).


Final notes:
The Midstate Trail was worth a try.  It has many lovely points.  We only saw a section of it (about 5/12s).  Finding good camping spots is a challenge but we made do.  Don't underestimate the difficulty of hiking if you're a beginner.  Be willing to ask for help (water, camping in the yard, etc.).  Be flexible to allow for changes--going further or not as far; leaving early or staying late.  Lastly: it's ideal if you have someone who can drop you off and pick you up from a trail, but not having this doesn't make it impossible.   Good luck and enjoy!