2021 End-of-Year Reflection

 Happy New Year, friends!

First, a little housekeeping. You may have come upon this post after receiving a postcard that looked like this: 

If you're among my handful of nautically-inclined recipients, you likely noticed a gaffe: the common toast among sailors is "Fair winds and following seas," not the inverse. The error on the card was made in the original draft, caught, and fixed. Alas, in the process of getting the cards made (which somehow involved four copy shops, three buses, lots of walking, and multiple emails and phone calls), the erroneous image was printed. I'd like to say I chuckled and sent them off anyway. Instead I cried, cursed myself for not proofreading more carefully, made a few frustrated phone calls, and then sent them off anyway. My appreciation for grammatical and literary accuracy is exceeded by my aversion to the wasted time and money that reprinting would require.

Other housekeeping: my new address is Mayrose, Andrea, 3288 Corporal Johnson Unit 1692, Fort Sam Houston, TX 78234. Now on to my year-end reflection. Buckle in: I'm in isolation awaiting Covid test results after experiencing a few scattered symptoms, so I've got nothing but time.

In January 2021, I was living in Brookings, in an SDSU-owned furnished townhome. I was working as a coordinator for Quarantine & Isolation Housing for students on campus. I was dating a thoughtful gentleman, Chris, and awaiting delayed results on my application to be a Naval intelligence officer. (This is the "career pivot" I had alluded to, without naming, in last year's reflection.)

Updates: I transitioned back into a Residence Hall Director Role in February, leaving the gorgeous townhome for a cinder-block campus apartment and working in Young Hall for the remainder of the school year. This temporary-duty position allowed me to do a job I loved as a sprint, not a marathon, and despite the weirdness (and necessity) of Covid-19 restrictions, we were able to accomplish some great things, including an end-of-year volleyball tournament & picnic, and this student-designed (and largely executed) mural in our student lounge/kitchen:

I learned in January that my officer packet was not accepted, which was not a complete surprise, as the acceptance rate is often 20-30% for this role. After a few months of discussion & careful consideration, I enlisted in the Navy on June 2nd, with a "ship date" of September 7th.

My 15th college reunion was held online, and (naturally) took place the same week that I enlisted, wrapped up my role as an RHD, and moved out of my campus apartment. I had the great fortune to collaborate with classmate Aoife Spillane-Hinks and many others in hosting a virtual Memorial Service, and we were pleased with the space we were able to create to honor and remember the dear friends we've lost. I also attended or helped host a couple of other Reunion events, and while the low attendance surprised me, the quality of reconnection was valuable. 

After the reunion, I visited my brother Mike & his partner Megan near Kansas City, along with my dad, nephews, and sister Beth. We toured a U.S. Mint and the WWI Memorial. This image struck me and prompted my commentary: 

We also toured an agricultural "hall of fame" and spent some time at Megan's family's lake house.

I spent the summer again working remotely for Harvard's Secondary School Program, which was online for the second year. I was excited to try new programing efforts that challenged me a bit. I led a 5-part creative writing workshop that featured two guest authors with Harvard connections, a choreography collaboration that created movement to student-created music, several relaxed visual art sessions, a series of career panels, among other things. I also gave a presentation to FGLI (first-generation, low-income) college students about navigating the language and landscape of higher education. I enjoyed doing the online job in new ways.

However, when one has relied on work-provided housing, "working from home: means working from nowhere in particular, and it gave me the freedom to bounce around a bit. Chris bought a 3-bedroom home in April and traveled extensively throughout the summer, so we had a pretty symbiotic housekeeping relationship: I had a quiet, beautiful space in which to work, and in exchange I kept up with the lawn, garden, & housework while he was away. I also helped a bit with my mom & sister Becky's big transition from their Salem house to their Sioux Falls apartment, and I spent a week with Becky in the new apartment while my mom was traveling. Mom, Beth, Anne, & I formed Becky's entourage as we traveled together to Nashville in late July. There, Becky participated in the National "Miss Amazing" program, and it was a great weekend celebrating women with disabilities. (We had the good fortune to see Uncle Mike, Aunt Tawnya, my cousin Emma, and her boyfriend Corey, as well!)

Anne & Becky

August was a free month between Harvard and my forthcoming "2-month, taxpayer-funded fitness and education retreat," and I made the most of it. I spent a week in Colorado, visiting friends Emily, Katie, & Rachel, and of course Nalerie & the Sutton-Talley family. (I also spent a few days with them in February, and they stopped by my mom's apartment in July while in SD, so we are doing a pretty good job of finding ways to stay connected even in Covid times.)

Isaac, Jacob, Andrea, Nalerie, & Andrew

In other adventures, Chris & I had the nephews up for some hiking, trampoline fun at Air Madness, a sleepover & video games, and Wild Water West before they went back to school. 

Chris & I also made a trip to Wisconsin to see his family, complete with a stop at his sister & brother-in-law's restaurant, Manila, and a 3-sibling birthday party. It felt good to be vaccinated and able to make these trips with relative confidence.

August, and the summer in general, was also a time of preparation for basic training. I'd put on a few pounds and dropped them by my third full go at Whole 30. I highly recommend this program (paired with physical activity) if you need to lose weight in a healthy way. With my weight back within Navy regulations, I worked on running, pushups, and the plank. Since I was entering at age 37, the minimum requirements for these fitness were pretty forgiving, but I sure wasn't going to show up just to get sent home (or worse, set back in training) because I wasn't prepared to meet them. As part of the Delayed Entry Program, I had a manual of basic Navy knowledge with which I needed to familiarize myself, monthly meetings, and weekly check-ins with a recruiter to make sure I was on track.

There were other projects, too. I finished several paintings for friends and gave away many of the art supplies I'd accumulated so that they could be put to good use. In many ways, these last few weeks in August felt like I was closing a chapter: on my six years in South Dakota, my time at SDSU. I wanted to leave things in a good place.

An abstract triptych
inspired by the Sioux River

A collage for my friend's "lady wall"

A rapidly-completed portrait of my friend and
her second child

The "personal archive" reorganization that I undertook in Fall 2020 proved very useful as I secured a storage unit. Having a full inventory of my belongings, and having them organized in sturdy, stackable cases rather than the hodge-podge of storage bins they previously occupied, was very helpful not just when I left but when I returned home in December and selected a few civilian things to bring back with me to Texas.

On September 5th, we celebrated Bryce & Asher's birthdays and my departure. The next day, I reported to my Armed Services Career Center and was ushered off to the requisite pre-departure hotel stay. on September 7th, I officially (again) enlisted in the U.S. Navy. At that point, changing my mind would mean abandonment...and likely imprisonment.

Boot camp. How to describe it? It was so soft and easy in some ways, and so difficult in others. I was in a a"900 division," which performed for three graduation ceremonies, including our own. I played bells in the drumline, and I enjoyed beginning my Navy career with performance. The nine weeks included a lot of missed sleep, a lot of negativity, and a lot of time spent staring at the wall. That said, we also had some really cool hands-on training, which I enjoyed. (You can get an overview of the Navy basic training experience in this hourlong documentary, Making a Sailor.) Basic training is where you earn the uniform; I spent a lot of time trying to make sense of the Navy as an organization, and my place in it, as well as thinking of all those who have gone before me.

Somehow (and I credit Chris for this observation when we processed it afterward), despite all the tumult I was experiencing internally, I was still able to perform well. My scores in various boot camp tasks--tests, inspections, the physical fitness test, and the like--put me in the top 3% of my training group. Despite fumbling through an Awards Board, I was selected for the Military Excellence Award and recognized as the "finest of this group of graduates." I was awarded a Challenge Coin from the Commanding Officer, a Navy Club watch from the Admiral, and a handful of remarks from staff anytime I goofed in the last couple days of boot camp: "Aren't you supposed to be the #1 graduate?," for example, as I struggled to perform colors properly.

Seaman Mayrose, RTC Commanding Officer
Captain Sandin, & Rear Admiral Couture

Despite the strangeness of this award, I was pleased to make it through our last drumline performance without any horrible sour notes, and to salute the Captain and Admiral without any mistakes that would go viral and disgrace the Navy. If you've always wanted to watch a Navy boot camp graduation, pop some corn and enjoy the November 10, 2020 Navy Pass-in-Review Ceremony.

Mom, Beth, & Becky made the trip to Great Lakes to spend time with me during my two days of liberty. Afterward, my fellow future Hospital Corpsmen and Masters-at-Arms boarded a bus, headed to our flight, and then went right back to boot camp due to mechanical problems. (I felt bad for the staff who were due a weekend off after 8 weeks of training us, and who now had to babysit us until a new plan was made.) Four days later, we finally left boot camp for real, and I arrived in Fort Sam Houston, TX, to begin ~15 weeks of A-school, where I learn my job in the Navy. 

The transition was harder than I expected. On one hand, we were Sailors now. I had one roommate instead of 80; I showered alone behind a curtain, rather than with a dozen other women; I could walk around base alone; I could be in touch with family & friends through my phone; I could plan my sleep schedule to accommodate whatever early wake-up was needed. Still, it was hard to gauge the tone. Sometimes we were spoken to like humans; at other times, we were screamed at like we had been in boot camp. While in Phase 1 of training, we were restricted to base and could not wear civilian clothes. There's effectively no dating (since you can't leave, can't show affection in uniform and must always be in uniform, and can't be in any room other than your own), and there's no alcohol consumption even for those of age. The first few weeks of A school felt like prison, but it has gotten better over time. Though I would likely have enjoyed serving as an officer, I think the Hospital Corps umbrella suits me better. I suspect that I'll be less likely to be tasked with anything that challenges my moral or ethical values, and I am enjoying what I'm learning. I'm often asked why I chose to enlist at my age, and it's a difficult question with a thousand answers.

It was also great to go home for a few short days, with stops in Sioux Falls, Salem, Brookings, & Vermillion. I was able to see almost everyone in my family, as well as the Sutton-Talleys, and 

 

My mom Pattie with Nalerie

Back: Alex & Beth, Caleb, Isaac, Pattie, Asher, Micah, Bryce, Michael
Front: Evan & Anne, Andrea, Becky, Jim, Ronda
Not pictured: Jerry, Megan

I was pleasantly surprised to find myself excited to return to base after my short Exodus. I opted to save some of my leave, and so I've had about 9 days back here to rest, study ahead in my schoolwork, go on outings provided by the USO. I am looking forward to getting back in the swing of things, making new friendships and continuing to develop my skillset as a Hospital Corpsman and in my specialty as a Behavioral Health Technician. (A-school will end in March, and my BHT C-School is 3-4 months, so I'll be here in San Antonio at least until June.)

I turn 38 in two days, in a barracks room, with no house, no car, no children of my own. That makes me an oddity both in the civilian world and in the military, and it's a strange feeling. I am still making sense of being in the Navy. I'm hopeful for the opportunities it will bring. Chris and I bade each other farewell with deep gratitude for our relationship and the mutual agreement that our paths don't align for a long-term future. I'm grateful to have him in my life as my closest friend. I adore watching Nalerie grow and develop and knowing that I not only conceived her, but conceived of her: imagined that she could exist long before she did. I'm excited to think about the places I might go in the Navy and the types of work I might do. It will be months before I know what orders are available, but it's fun to imagine providing mental or physical healthcare at the Naval Academy, on the Navy's hospital ships (the USS Comfort & Mercy), in Hawaii, or in Greece. If I had to choose today, those types of assignments would likely be near the top of my list.

I missed news in boot camp: having any connection to the outside world and what is happening. Then I emerged and realized perhaps it was better not to know. Our climate, both environmental and social, feels like a dangerous place. There is still a lot of love and hope and joy, and I'm grateful to have all my needs met. I expect there will be plenty of need for medical & mental health response everywhere in the coming years, and I'm hopeful to be part of a team that can respond efficiently and effectively in times of crisis.

Wishing you both seas and winds that take you in the directions you want to go this year,

Andrea

2020 End-of-Year Reflection

 Dear friends, far and near-but-distanced,

What a ride 2020 has been.

I kicked off the new year by applying, again, to graduate school at the University of Michigan-Ann Arbor for their interdisciplinary fine arts program. My sister Beth moved from our house in Brookings to Wayne, Nebraska, to join her husband Alex, and my sister Anne moved in from Sioux Falls for a semester of on-campus classes. A late January visit to Colorado was fruitful but difficult and made it clear that the time was right to start processing my post-surrogacy emotions with a counselor. (To be clear, these feelings have never included regret. I visited a counselor proactively pre-legal agreement and conception attempts, as well as pre-delivery. We always predicted I would eventually revisit a counselor post-delivery. It was something akin to icing down muscles post-marathon: you know you'll be sore before you start, and afterward, happy to have completed the run, you must give your body what it needs to heal. )

February was a busy month for my work with Brookings Community Theatre (BCT); I directed a "Musical Theatre Talent Showcase," working with several great community members and SDSU students for a one-night performance in a new event center in town. I chose "Somewhere in the Middle of Nowhere" from Come From Away and "Once and For All" from Newsies as the opening and closing ensemble numbers. Anne jumped in at the dress rehearsal to help cover a duet for a performer who'd fallen ill, and the event was a success. (Listen to the Spotify playlist to hear professional versions of our song lineup.) Working on an incredibly tight rehearsal schedule, this event rekindled my aspirations to direct, choreograph, and organize performances. I hope the future includes more such opportunities. I also spearheaded a South Dakota Arts Council grant proposal for BCT in my role as a board member. This comprehensive proposal took a significant amount of time but yielded a grant of $2,424 as announced in July, as well as created a template from which to work for future applications for this annual funding opportunity. These efforts, combined with evening rehearsals for our spring show, Rabbit Hole (in which I was cast as Nat, the grandmother), made for a busy BCT month.

March came, and with it an end to long-distance breastfeeding, a return to the gym, and a plan to reconnect with friends after my busy February and five months of milking myself anywhere from 1-8 hours per day. Then, of course, the Earth shifted. Our run of Rabbit Hole (a brilliantly-written show by David Lindsay-Abaire) was cancelled after one performance. Work went remote. Everything was put on hold as we tried to make sense of this new virus, to protect ourselves and those around us.

Anne and I spent a lot of quality time at home and, with plenty of time to cook, completed the Whole30 challenge. I started running every weeknight and doing workouts every weekday morning with Beth and a few others, led by one of her friends via HouseParty. Becky stayed with Anne and me for a couple weeks. We began preparing to move when our lease ended in May.

It was announced that my summer job at Harvard, where I was returning for a fourth (non-consecutive) turn as an Assistant Dean of the Secondary School Program, would go fully online. I still had a job but no longer had the housing it normally provides, nor the restorative energy that I was so looking forward to in Cambridge. Meanwhile, I had not been admitted to graduate school; instead, I was in the midst of applying for a major career pivot and did not want to make an extreme move or sign a lease while that process was pending. So I joined Mom and Becky in my hometown of Salem. Hopes for a summer of "Have laptop, will travel," were mostly thwarted, as Covid showed no signs of abating. Nonetheless, we had some quality adventures, including kicking off the summer by camping with Ronda, the four nephews, Beth, Mike, & Becky at Sylvan Lake and in the Badlands. 

Summer School went pretty smoothly online; it was less work than a typical summer but also less rewarding. Still, I enjoyed the talented and affirming students and colleagues who make Harvard such a wonderful place. In August, I transitioned to a temporary, remote position in SDSU's Title IX/EO office, covering a colleague's maternity leave. Through mid-October, I helped investigate claims of discrimination and sexual misconduct, still working from (mom's) home.

Selection for the long-term job for which I'd applied was still in progress, so I then accepted another temporary position, back in SDSU's Department of Housing & Residential Life (my employer from July 2015-2020). This came with a discounted lease for a furnished guest apartment adjacent to campus, bringing me back to Brookings. After spending most of the past six months in my mom's basement, being a grown-up in my own space and shopping for/cooking my own meals has been a healthy change. The job was set to end December 4th. However, I learned on November 30th that the finish line again shifted, and the career path for which I've applied has become more competitive and would not begin for up to another 6 months. Moreover, there is no guaranteed timeline for when I'll have an official yes or no. These days, I roll with the punches and don't plan too far ahead. While the uncertainty of the shifting ground is not ideal, I've been fortunate to remain gainfully employed throughout the time that Covid-19 has impacted us, and for that I'm deeply grateful.

Nalerie Renae Sutton-Talley, the little girl who joined our world October 3, 2019, remains a shining light in my life. After their Christmas visit to my family in Salem and my January visit to her family in Colorado, trips to see her in March and October were cancelled due to Covid-19. However, dads Jacob and Andrew brought her to see Anne and me a few days before Mother's Day, while they were visiting their families in South Dakota. I then spent two weeks at their (new!) home in Greeley in July, and we had a fabulous time playing house. (Visits to Peace Corps friend Emily and Camp E-Nini-Hassee friends Katie & Rachel bookended this time and made for a wonderful work-remotely summer trip.) Nalerie's adoption was finalized in August, legally terminating my parental rights and, at long last, fully recognizing both her fathers on her birth certificate. It was a tearful but joyful session of "Zoom court." Baby girl turned one in October; she, big brother Isaac, and dads Andrew and Jacob are a dearly loved extension of our family. The visits with a counselor, a couple of creative projects, time, and looking forward to new chapters have all helped in my healing and in right-sizing their place in my heart. We are so fortunate that our surrogacy partnership has been everything we hoped (and planned) for it to be. Stay tuned--there may still be a book, yet. Time will tell!

In September, I had an enjoyable two-week stay with my brother Bryce and his family (Ronda, Caleb, Isaac, Micah, & Asher) in Vermillion, including time with each of the boys and plenty of pleasant autumn walks around their neighborhood. Before and after that visit, I spent many hours going through my "life archives": 20+ totes of all my earthly belongings: childhood mementos, journals, college books, legal documents, and so on, of mostly sentimental value. I culled and sorted, but more useful was the opportunity for deep remembering and reflecting. It was, in many ways, a chance to revisit myself: my past, my dreams, my goals. In this time of treading water, it has been helpful to reimagine who I have been and whom I still hope to become.

I also forced myself to start dating again. Surrogacy--which was, all told, a 3-year journey--had left no emotional space for romance, and my work/class/theatre schedule left little time for lingering, open-ended dates. This year, though Covid has altered our perception of time, the clock's insistent ticking toward 37 sounded loudly in my ears, so I reticently reactivated an old dating app profile. After a handful of video or mostly-outside dates with several nice people, I found myself wanting to keep spending my weekends with a charming guy from Sioux Falls. We've been together(ish) for three months, and while I'm not quite sure we want the same life, we sure do have a good time. He's fluent in all the love languages and we've explored a surprising number of activities--golf, tennis, climbing, hiking, cooking, pumpkin carving, cooking & baking--together, despite the current environment. We even snuck in a long-weekend getaway to the Black Hills in my transition between jobs. With our social interactions otherwise limited, sharing a bubble of our individual households of one has been deeply positive, and I'm excited to keep spending quality time with him.

While I consider myself civically active, I had not been deeply politically involved since I worked on a Republican campaign back in 2002. Now, having been registered Independent for many years, I was excited to do phone-banking across numerous states to help Joe Biden win this fall's election. It was encouraging to talk to voters, and I breathed a sigh of relief when Biden & Harris were officially declared the victors. The line between loss and win is thin, though, and the election reminded me that we must start listening, and truly trying to understand each other, if we are to unify not just our country but our individual communities.

I'm still waiting to see where I might set sail in 2021. I'll keep the current aspiration under wraps for now, hinting only that my interest in the field was re-ignited by a prominent fellow Harvard alum/peer. Knowing that the odds are slim that this opportunity will be granted to me, I have some serious work to do in exploring other options for the near future. I'm pretty accustomed to changing angles when I miss a swing. The ocean of possibility is vast and deep.

For now, I'm happy, healthy, and (as far as I know) Covid-free. (Thankfully, the members of my family who contracted the virus earlier in the year have also recovered.) I must acknowledge my own privilege, particularly in regard to the deep troubles our nation has faced in confronting racist and violent undercurrents. Lives were unduly and tragically ended this year: not just by an indiscriminate virus, but also by a planet in accelerating decline and an insidious devaluing of Black life. Black Lives Matter. Science is real. My own life's peaks and valleys are minor given our real challenges as a society and a global community to address real, life-threatening issues, and I hope I can keep a broader perspective in determining how to do my part. We have a lot of healing to do as a nation. I'm hopeful for the new leadership taking the helm in January. I'm hopeful we can still build the future that the next generation--including my nephews, Nalerie, and her brother--deserve to inherit.

Sending love and warmth to you and yours,

Andrea

2019 End-of-Year Reflection

Friends & loved ones,

May this find you looking back fondly on memories of the year quickly drawing to a close.

For me, 2019 was the year of the baby.

I’ve hinted in my last two annual updates that surrogacy could play a role in my life this year. To my delight (and that of her fathers), it defined it. I conceived on January 16^th and gave birth on October 3^rd. I’ve just reached the end of the “fourth trimester”—that time of healing and recovery post-birth. I’m long-distance breastfeeding, and the baby—Nalerie Renae Sutton-Talley—still feels very near as a result. I had the great joy of gathering not just with my family, but with hers, at Christmas this year.

The experience has taught and touched me deeply, in ways I’m still wrapping my head around. People have babies all the time, so it seems normal, but it was the hardest and most amazing thing I have ever done. The fact that our bodies can make another human is extraordinary, and that she came to us in every way we hoped she would assures me that the Divine had a hand in it.

I did some other things this year, too. I took animation and acting courses, finished a painting or two, and took part in three theatre festivals in which plays I wrote were workshopped/performed as staged readings. I traveled to Florida, Utah, & Iowa for family weddings and quality time. I helped Bryce & Ronda’s family move into a new home in March and joined them on vacation to Branson in June. I took some lovely walks. I helped with a couple Brookings Community Theatre plays and joined the board. I took part in the Christmas dance performance for the third time, this year in SDSU’s beautiful new performing arts theatre.

I also finished my fourth year as a Residence Hall Director at South Dakota State University. Leaving that role meant the end of on-campus housing, so I moved across the street to live with Beth. Our other sisters and I were delighted to be at her side when she married Alex in October, and it’s been a joy living together these past seven months. I stayed on at SDSU within the same department, now as a Secretary for Student Conduct & Residential Life. This mostly clerical role is wildly different from the multidirectional pull and juggle of RHD life, but it’s been a welcome reprieve, creating space for baby and for me in the time of her transition from my body into the bigger world.

The beginning of the year was filled—with pregnancy, travel, classes, extra duties at work, excitement, fatigue. These past few months have been rather the opposite—work, sleep, and breast-pumping for hours a day, but little more. Recovering from the physical work of labor was harder than I anticipated, and lactation can be all-encompassing. It has been a good opportunity to exercise grace and change my expectations for myself, accepting new limitations, at least for now.

Everything I’ve done this year is in direct relation to Baby. Changing my job, moving, and taking a break from classes and hobbies—all were done in consideration of her needs and doing my best to care for her. Having become “plural” for a time, I’m still adjusting to being a singular entity once again.

What comes next after the thing you’ve long hoped for comes and goes? The answer is not yet clear to me. I’m throwing my hat back in the ring at the University of Michigan—Ann Arbor for consideration as an MFA student. I'll miss Beth as she joins Alex in Nebraska in the coming days, yet I'm looking forward to Anne taking her place as my housemate. I’m enjoying Brookings while I’m here, though I sense a coming change in the winds.

My life is a little quieter, but my heart is full. I am beyond grateful to the Sutton-Talleys: Jacob, Andrew, and Isaac--for bringing me into their lives and allowing me to be part of Nalerie joining their family. Our surrogacy partnership was a dream come true—hopefully for them, and undoubtedly for me. I am uncertain where the future will take me. I suppose such is always true at points like this, of reflecting back and peering forward. Yet, if hope is the thing with feathers, as Emily Dickinson suggests, certainly that thing is still perched in my soul—singing the tune without words, and never stopping at all.

Please know how grateful I am for the kind support and love shown to me, baby, and her family throughout this past year. I hope that you and yours are in good health and high spirits as we enter 2020.

With love,

Andréa

2018 End-of-Year Reflection

Friends,

2018. It's only two weeks behind us, and yet it feels long departed.

Much of the past year feels shaped by my classes. I took Composition & Choreography and Dance for Musical Theatre in the spring, followed by Stagecraft and Playwriting in the fall. I played Grace (the secretary to Oliver Warbucks) in the Brookings Community Theatre production of Annie over the summer, and assistant-directed Radium Girls in the fall. I completed the second half of the screenplay I wrote in Fall 2017. In painting, I finished my first two commissions and showed pieces in a variety of exhibits in the region. I also had the opportunity to perform again in the Christmas dance/choral celebration.

I did some part-time work at a golf course over the summer, which was a great opportunity to do hands-on work in a non-supervisory role, though I still have never played a round of golf. I'm in my 4th year as a Residence Hall Director at SDSU, and I feel like a senior in this second go-around at college. I still love my job and have learned how to be efficient enough to make all my other pursuits fit. With an RHD vacancy, I've taken on Honors Hall again, in addition to Caldwell and Schultz, and I now help support 22 staff members, a Graduate Assistant, and over 500 students. I give a number of guest lectures across campus but have stepped back from the LeadState program this year. It's a constant juggling act, but it's quite the pleasant circus. The Mary Poppins in me is a keen observer of the changing winds, however, and I anticipate that the door may open to new adventures in the year now before us.

My family experienced a number of milestones this past year. My youngest sister, Becky, completed high school and is now in an independent living skills day program, commuting with our Mom. Anne moved to Sioux Falls and turned 21. Jim recovered from a handgun accident and has moved to Florida to pursue his career in fine food service and be nearer to our maternal family. Beth got engaged to Alex Kenkel and is planning an October 2019 wedding. Michael was graduated from USD, studied abroad in New Zealand shortly after his commencement ceremony, spent some time in Salem/Sioux Falls working, and moved to Afghanistan as a civilian security contractor in October. Bryce switched companies in his work; he and Ronda are looking at a possible new home in the country. Caleb transitioned from Catholic elementary school to public middle school, and Isaac, Micah, and Asher keep getting older, smarter, and more entertaining. Mom and Dad both recovered well from emergency surgeries during the year and find ways to enjoy their individual almost-empty nests. Mom continues to be an R.N. at the VA Hospital traveled overseas with her first medical mission, and Dad retired from Sanford Hospital and is keeping busy with projects around the house.

A year ago, I was caught between pulling forces of malaise and creative urging, ready for grad school but not quite, and unsure of the direction of my creative pursuits. I kept on keeping on, to fruitful results, and 2019 holds much promise. Two of my plays (a 10-minute and full-length) were chosen for staged readings at college festivals: one in Sioux Falls, which I'll be able to attend as the playwright, and one here at SDSU.  I submitted a graduate school application to an interdisciplinary Master of Fine Arts Program just over a week ago (which trumped timely completion of this update). I'm enrolled in two classes--Foundations of Animation and Intermediate Acting--this spring. The students are back, campus is abuzz, and the semester is off to the races with a palpable energy.

Themes of parenthood and family have played heavily in my creative work throughout the past year. In last year's update, I shared my pursuit of surrogacy, and as I predicted, that exploration has been an integral part of 2018. The journey continues, and it's an exciting one of heart, mind, and body. I'm so grateful for those with me on the path, and I look forward to seeing where 2019 brings us, together.

With the advent of 2019, I turned 35, which feels momentous somehow. I can no longer pretend that I'm a young adult, and any void left by my erstwhile youth is more than filled with the memories of those years. Being 20 meant longing and hoping for the experiences that 35 has already known. What joy, indeed, to have known them!

Perhaps one of the most interesting features of this past year is the distance I feel from the troubles of our nation. There's a local-ness to South Dakota that can be insulating. While dangerous, it's also protective. Disconnected from the larger turmoil, I can focus my energy here: on these students, these projects, these tangible and immediate moments. If there's anything that the Peace Corps taught me, it's that we change the world by positively impacting our own community, wherever we find ourselves at present, and Brookings is a great place to pursue just that. Nonetheless, I am hopeful for better days to come, and I anticipate that there will be ways to be more connected to the big picture in the year ahead.

For all of you, and for the past year, I am grateful. Wishing you a year of joy and peace,
Andrea

2017 End-of-Year Reflection

I came to add my 2018 annual reflection, and realized I had never posted the one from last year. Here it is!

As 2018 dawns, I hope this finds you content and well.  The semester break has been a welcome reprieve from a semester that was fruitful and life-giving but also exhausting.  Reflecting on the year and writing this update have proven more difficult than usual.  Two forces tug at me—malaise and uncertainty, in one direction, and a newly-nourished creative spirit, in the other.  I’ve spent the past year thinking that this week would have me wrapping up graduate school applications for multidisciplinary MFA programs, a mental concoction drawing from these ingredients:

December 2016 completion of the GRE; May 2017 payoff of my undergraduate debt; June-July 2017 off-contract period used for creative work and learning; Spring 2017 class in painting and Fall 2017 courses in painting and screenwriting.

Imagine my disappointment to arrive at the deadline for applications and find that I’m not ready. In the words of one professor, I don’t yet know what kind of work I want to make or how I want to make it, which makes choosing programs hard. It makes developing a body of work to gain acceptance to competitive (and well-funded) programs even harder. As my 34^th birthday approaches, there is, perhaps, a sense of urgency to move forward, but the map before me is bewildering, enticing me in many directions at once. Perhaps the malaise pulling against this creative impulse grows out of my dance with time. My partner Time, it seems, is not ready for graduate school, nor convinced that it is the best next step.  Just as I’ve had to learn with partners in waltz or swing, I must yield to my partner and stop trying to lead.  I begin 2018 with a forward glance of uncertainty: will I return to SDSU for a fourth academic year--in the same role or a new one--and if not, where will I go next, and what shall I do?

And yet, the nourishment: I’ve done quite a lot creatively over the past year, in many facets of the arts.  I gave myself June and July to explore ideas and experiment.  The summer was like a cotton jersey dress: less exciting than the summer of 2016, but comfortable, versatile, breezy, productive in input if not as much in output.  Despite being relatively planted, I also snuck in a few trips.  I spent a long weekend visiting friends in Minneapolis; Anne, Becky, the nephews, and I had a great camping trip to the Badlands and Black Hills.   I went to Colorado and Wyoming in July, fitting in Laramie, Denver, Colorado Springs, and Grand Junction to see extended family, former SDSU colleagues, and friends from past lives: college, Peace Corps, and Camp E-Nini-Hassee.  I’ve taken personal, internal journeys, through challenges like the Marie Kondo approach to minimizing belongings and the Whole 30 food plan.  I’ve made new friends and relished in creating silent time alone with myself. I didn’t know what 2017 would bring, but I’m so grateful for the moments that transpired in the past year.

Without further ado, here are some of the fruits of those moments:

·       Theatre: helped backstage in Brookings Community Theatre’s The Nerd; played 9 roles in A. R. Gurney’s The Dining Room, a Habitat for Humanity production performed just days before Gurney’s death; maintained a voice in the BCT script committee, which recommends shows for production in Brookings; recently cast as Essie Carmichael in the upcoming BCT production of You Can’t Take It With You.

·       Painting: 2 courses; many pieces; showed work in shows in 3 different local venues; increased skill with painting in oil and acrylic, as well as creating canvasses.

·       Writing: published a poem in Pasque Petals, the biannual publication of the SD State Poetry Society; edited a screenplay written in 2009 and submitted it to competition; began work on a screenplay adaption of a Peace Corps volunteer’s memoir; wrote the first half of an original fiction screenplay.

·       Dance: first performance in 7 years, in a liturgical Christmas dance/choral collaboration comprised mainly of modern and ballet dances.

·       Music: invested in playing piano, especially throughout the summer; challenged myself through karaoke to be more comfortable as a vocalist.

·       Other: started a summer talk radio show on our college station, KSDJ 90.7, incorporating different guests, and collaborating with a student on his show discussing film.

·       Professional work: co-presented 3 sessions with students at the regional Honors Conference, hosted at SDSU; moved to a new on-campus apartment, adjusted to new a hall assignment and a new demographic (and higher number) of students; handled many more conduct meetings than in my previous two years; managed emergency responses, including the death of one of our department’s student staff members; co-presented with a colleague at a regional professional conference; continued coaching in our sophomore leadership program; and, as a benefit of sticking around for a third year, grew in my relationships with students as they progress in their college experience.

Of course, my life is also filled by my family, the immediate members of whom are all conveniently nearby, in Salem, Vermillion, and Sioux Falls.  Anne transferred to SDSU in January, increasing the Mayrose Jackrabbits to 3, and it’s been awesome to have her near.  In May, Becky will be graduated from high school and Michael from college; Mom, Dad, Bryce, Ronda, Beth, and Jim are doing well, and our four nephews keep growing up with energy and sass.

For what more could I ask?  I’ve lived here longer than any place since college, which is a strange feeling for me, but Brookings is a wonderful community, full of opportunity.  Physically and emotionally, I am warm; I am fed.  I am embraced by care and ideas, who are wonderful company.  Asked if I want to write plays, make films, paint images, choreograph dances, write songs, or perform, I can only respond: Yes!  My hope is that I will be able to continue making progress toward impactful expression in any and all of those mediums.  And perhaps the biggest fruit of 2017 and its corresponding goal is the most uncertain.  While I have no desire for children at the moment, I am aware of my age and its implications.  Since March, I’ve been actively pursuing surrogate motherhood, which could allow me the miracle of pregnancy while assisting others who are ready to experience parenthood.  I’ve had numerous conversations with lovely individuals exploring this option.  Due to timing and other factors, I have not yet found a match that is just right, but the search continues.  Wherever the road leads, I am sure this journey will be an important one in 2018.

The year has been a dynamic one for our country and our world, and my small experience reflects broader concerns: an unclear future instills genuine unease.  Yet I see constant evidence of good people doing good work, and I hope that my deeds are seen in kind.  As always, I embrace vulnerability, gratitude, and the unknown.  Wishing you and yours—indeed, all of ours—a most wonderful year to come.

In peace and hope,

Andrea