2019 End-of-Year Reflection

Friends & loved ones,

May this find you looking back fondly on memories of the year quickly drawing to a close.

For me, 2019 was the year of the baby.

I’ve hinted in my last two annual updates that surrogacy could play a role in my life this year. To my delight (and that of her fathers), it defined it. I conceived on January 16^th and gave birth on October 3^rd. I’ve just reached the end of the “fourth trimester”—that time of healing and recovery post-birth. I’m long-distance breastfeeding, and the baby—Nalerie Renae Sutton-Talley—still feels very near as a result. I had the great joy of gathering not just with my family, but with hers, at Christmas this year.

The experience has taught and touched me deeply, in ways I’m still wrapping my head around. People have babies all the time, so it seems normal, but it was the hardest and most amazing thing I have ever done. The fact that our bodies can make another human is extraordinary, and that she came to us in every way we hoped she would assures me that the Divine had a hand in it.

I did some other things this year, too. I took animation and acting courses, finished a painting or two, and took part in three theatre festivals in which plays I wrote were workshopped/performed as staged readings. I traveled to Florida, Utah, & Iowa for family weddings and quality time. I helped Bryce & Ronda’s family move into a new home in March and joined them on vacation to Branson in June. I took some lovely walks. I helped with a couple Brookings Community Theatre plays and joined the board. I took part in the Christmas dance performance for the third time, this year in SDSU’s beautiful new performing arts theatre.

I also finished my fourth year as a Residence Hall Director at South Dakota State University. Leaving that role meant the end of on-campus housing, so I moved across the street to live with Beth. Our other sisters and I were delighted to be at her side when she married Alex in October, and it’s been a joy living together these past seven months. I stayed on at SDSU within the same department, now as a Secretary for Student Conduct & Residential Life. This mostly clerical role is wildly different from the multidirectional pull and juggle of RHD life, but it’s been a welcome reprieve, creating space for baby and for me in the time of her transition from my body into the bigger world.

The beginning of the year was filled—with pregnancy, travel, classes, extra duties at work, excitement, fatigue. These past few months have been rather the opposite—work, sleep, and breast-pumping for hours a day, but little more. Recovering from the physical work of labor was harder than I anticipated, and lactation can be all-encompassing. It has been a good opportunity to exercise grace and change my expectations for myself, accepting new limitations, at least for now.

Everything I’ve done this year is in direct relation to Baby. Changing my job, moving, and taking a break from classes and hobbies—all were done in consideration of her needs and doing my best to care for her. Having become “plural” for a time, I’m still adjusting to being a singular entity once again.

What comes next after the thing you’ve long hoped for comes and goes? The answer is not yet clear to me. I’m throwing my hat back in the ring at the University of Michigan—Ann Arbor for consideration as an MFA student. I'll miss Beth as she joins Alex in Nebraska in the coming days, yet I'm looking forward to Anne taking her place as my housemate. I’m enjoying Brookings while I’m here, though I sense a coming change in the winds.

My life is a little quieter, but my heart is full. I am beyond grateful to the Sutton-Talleys: Jacob, Andrew, and Isaac--for bringing me into their lives and allowing me to be part of Nalerie joining their family. Our surrogacy partnership was a dream come true—hopefully for them, and undoubtedly for me. I am uncertain where the future will take me. I suppose such is always true at points like this, of reflecting back and peering forward. Yet, if hope is the thing with feathers, as Emily Dickinson suggests, certainly that thing is still perched in my soul—singing the tune without words, and never stopping at all.

Please know how grateful I am for the kind support and love shown to me, baby, and her family throughout this past year. I hope that you and yours are in good health and high spirits as we enter 2020.

With love,

Andréa

2018 End-of-Year Reflection

Friends,

2018. It's only two weeks behind us, and yet it feels long departed.

Much of the past year feels shaped by my classes. I took Composition & Choreography and Dance for Musical Theatre in the spring, followed by Stagecraft and Playwriting in the fall. I played Grace (the secretary to Oliver Warbucks) in the Brookings Community Theatre production of Annie over the summer, and assistant-directed Radium Girls in the fall. I completed the second half of the screenplay I wrote in Fall 2017. In painting, I finished my first two commissions and showed pieces in a variety of exhibits in the region. I also had the opportunity to perform again in the Christmas dance/choral celebration.

I did some part-time work at a golf course over the summer, which was a great opportunity to do hands-on work in a non-supervisory role, though I still have never played a round of golf. I'm in my 4th year as a Residence Hall Director at SDSU, and I feel like a senior in this second go-around at college. I still love my job and have learned how to be efficient enough to make all my other pursuits fit. With an RHD vacancy, I've taken on Honors Hall again, in addition to Caldwell and Schultz, and I now help support 22 staff members, a Graduate Assistant, and over 500 students. I give a number of guest lectures across campus but have stepped back from the LeadState program this year. It's a constant juggling act, but it's quite the pleasant circus. The Mary Poppins in me is a keen observer of the changing winds, however, and I anticipate that the door may open to new adventures in the year now before us.

My family experienced a number of milestones this past year. My youngest sister, Becky, completed high school and is now in an independent living skills day program, commuting with our Mom. Anne moved to Sioux Falls and turned 21. Jim recovered from a handgun accident and has moved to Florida to pursue his career in fine food service and be nearer to our maternal family. Beth got engaged to Alex Kenkel and is planning an October 2019 wedding. Michael was graduated from USD, studied abroad in New Zealand shortly after his commencement ceremony, spent some time in Salem/Sioux Falls working, and moved to Afghanistan as a civilian security contractor in October. Bryce switched companies in his work; he and Ronda are looking at a possible new home in the country. Caleb transitioned from Catholic elementary school to public middle school, and Isaac, Micah, and Asher keep getting older, smarter, and more entertaining. Mom and Dad both recovered well from emergency surgeries during the year and find ways to enjoy their individual almost-empty nests. Mom continues to be an R.N. at the VA Hospital traveled overseas with her first medical mission, and Dad retired from Sanford Hospital and is keeping busy with projects around the house.

A year ago, I was caught between pulling forces of malaise and creative urging, ready for grad school but not quite, and unsure of the direction of my creative pursuits. I kept on keeping on, to fruitful results, and 2019 holds much promise. Two of my plays (a 10-minute and full-length) were chosen for staged readings at college festivals: one in Sioux Falls, which I'll be able to attend as the playwright, and one here at SDSU.  I submitted a graduate school application to an interdisciplinary Master of Fine Arts Program just over a week ago (which trumped timely completion of this update). I'm enrolled in two classes--Foundations of Animation and Intermediate Acting--this spring. The students are back, campus is abuzz, and the semester is off to the races with a palpable energy.

Themes of parenthood and family have played heavily in my creative work throughout the past year. In last year's update, I shared my pursuit of surrogacy, and as I predicted, that exploration has been an integral part of 2018. The journey continues, and it's an exciting one of heart, mind, and body. I'm so grateful for those with me on the path, and I look forward to seeing where 2019 brings us, together.

With the advent of 2019, I turned 35, which feels momentous somehow. I can no longer pretend that I'm a young adult, and any void left by my erstwhile youth is more than filled with the memories of those years. Being 20 meant longing and hoping for the experiences that 35 has already known. What joy, indeed, to have known them!

Perhaps one of the most interesting features of this past year is the distance I feel from the troubles of our nation. There's a local-ness to South Dakota that can be insulating. While dangerous, it's also protective. Disconnected from the larger turmoil, I can focus my energy here: on these students, these projects, these tangible and immediate moments. If there's anything that the Peace Corps taught me, it's that we change the world by positively impacting our own community, wherever we find ourselves at present, and Brookings is a great place to pursue just that. Nonetheless, I am hopeful for better days to come, and I anticipate that there will be ways to be more connected to the big picture in the year ahead.

For all of you, and for the past year, I am grateful. Wishing you a year of joy and peace,
Andrea

2017 End-of-Year Reflection

I came to add my 2018 annual reflection, and realized I had never posted the one from last year. Here it is!

As 2018 dawns, I hope this finds you content and well.  The semester break has been a welcome reprieve from a semester that was fruitful and life-giving but also exhausting.  Reflecting on the year and writing this update have proven more difficult than usual.  Two forces tug at me—malaise and uncertainty, in one direction, and a newly-nourished creative spirit, in the other.  I’ve spent the past year thinking that this week would have me wrapping up graduate school applications for multidisciplinary MFA programs, a mental concoction drawing from these ingredients:

December 2016 completion of the GRE; May 2017 payoff of my undergraduate debt; June-July 2017 off-contract period used for creative work and learning; Spring 2017 class in painting and Fall 2017 courses in painting and screenwriting.

Imagine my disappointment to arrive at the deadline for applications and find that I’m not ready. In the words of one professor, I don’t yet know what kind of work I want to make or how I want to make it, which makes choosing programs hard. It makes developing a body of work to gain acceptance to competitive (and well-funded) programs even harder. As my 34^th birthday approaches, there is, perhaps, a sense of urgency to move forward, but the map before me is bewildering, enticing me in many directions at once. Perhaps the malaise pulling against this creative impulse grows out of my dance with time. My partner Time, it seems, is not ready for graduate school, nor convinced that it is the best next step.  Just as I’ve had to learn with partners in waltz or swing, I must yield to my partner and stop trying to lead.  I begin 2018 with a forward glance of uncertainty: will I return to SDSU for a fourth academic year--in the same role or a new one--and if not, where will I go next, and what shall I do?

And yet, the nourishment: I’ve done quite a lot creatively over the past year, in many facets of the arts.  I gave myself June and July to explore ideas and experiment.  The summer was like a cotton jersey dress: less exciting than the summer of 2016, but comfortable, versatile, breezy, productive in input if not as much in output.  Despite being relatively planted, I also snuck in a few trips.  I spent a long weekend visiting friends in Minneapolis; Anne, Becky, the nephews, and I had a great camping trip to the Badlands and Black Hills.   I went to Colorado and Wyoming in July, fitting in Laramie, Denver, Colorado Springs, and Grand Junction to see extended family, former SDSU colleagues, and friends from past lives: college, Peace Corps, and Camp E-Nini-Hassee.  I’ve taken personal, internal journeys, through challenges like the Marie Kondo approach to minimizing belongings and the Whole 30 food plan.  I’ve made new friends and relished in creating silent time alone with myself. I didn’t know what 2017 would bring, but I’m so grateful for the moments that transpired in the past year.

Without further ado, here are some of the fruits of those moments:

·       Theatre: helped backstage in Brookings Community Theatre’s The Nerd; played 9 roles in A. R. Gurney’s The Dining Room, a Habitat for Humanity production performed just days before Gurney’s death; maintained a voice in the BCT script committee, which recommends shows for production in Brookings; recently cast as Essie Carmichael in the upcoming BCT production of You Can’t Take It With You.

·       Painting: 2 courses; many pieces; showed work in shows in 3 different local venues; increased skill with painting in oil and acrylic, as well as creating canvasses.

·       Writing: published a poem in Pasque Petals, the biannual publication of the SD State Poetry Society; edited a screenplay written in 2009 and submitted it to competition; began work on a screenplay adaption of a Peace Corps volunteer’s memoir; wrote the first half of an original fiction screenplay.

·       Dance: first performance in 7 years, in a liturgical Christmas dance/choral collaboration comprised mainly of modern and ballet dances.

·       Music: invested in playing piano, especially throughout the summer; challenged myself through karaoke to be more comfortable as a vocalist.

·       Other: started a summer talk radio show on our college station, KSDJ 90.7, incorporating different guests, and collaborating with a student on his show discussing film.

·       Professional work: co-presented 3 sessions with students at the regional Honors Conference, hosted at SDSU; moved to a new on-campus apartment, adjusted to new a hall assignment and a new demographic (and higher number) of students; handled many more conduct meetings than in my previous two years; managed emergency responses, including the death of one of our department’s student staff members; co-presented with a colleague at a regional professional conference; continued coaching in our sophomore leadership program; and, as a benefit of sticking around for a third year, grew in my relationships with students as they progress in their college experience.

Of course, my life is also filled by my family, the immediate members of whom are all conveniently nearby, in Salem, Vermillion, and Sioux Falls.  Anne transferred to SDSU in January, increasing the Mayrose Jackrabbits to 3, and it’s been awesome to have her near.  In May, Becky will be graduated from high school and Michael from college; Mom, Dad, Bryce, Ronda, Beth, and Jim are doing well, and our four nephews keep growing up with energy and sass.

For what more could I ask?  I’ve lived here longer than any place since college, which is a strange feeling for me, but Brookings is a wonderful community, full of opportunity.  Physically and emotionally, I am warm; I am fed.  I am embraced by care and ideas, who are wonderful company.  Asked if I want to write plays, make films, paint images, choreograph dances, write songs, or perform, I can only respond: Yes!  My hope is that I will be able to continue making progress toward impactful expression in any and all of those mediums.  And perhaps the biggest fruit of 2017 and its corresponding goal is the most uncertain.  While I have no desire for children at the moment, I am aware of my age and its implications.  Since March, I’ve been actively pursuing surrogate motherhood, which could allow me the miracle of pregnancy while assisting others who are ready to experience parenthood.  I’ve had numerous conversations with lovely individuals exploring this option.  Due to timing and other factors, I have not yet found a match that is just right, but the search continues.  Wherever the road leads, I am sure this journey will be an important one in 2018.

The year has been a dynamic one for our country and our world, and my small experience reflects broader concerns: an unclear future instills genuine unease.  Yet I see constant evidence of good people doing good work, and I hope that my deeds are seen in kind.  As always, I embrace vulnerability, gratitude, and the unknown.  Wishing you and yours—indeed, all of ours—a most wonderful year to come.

In peace and hope,

Andrea