2023 End-of-Year Reflection

Holiday greetings! 

I’m writing from my barracks room (apartment, more accurately) on Camp Foster in Okinawa, Japan. It’s a dreary day by Okinawa standards—cool, wet, and a bit foggy—perfect for snuggling up inside with eggnog, gingerbread cookies, a laptop, and my last few holiday postcards. From my window, I can see the Naval Hospital where I work, just across the parking lot; beyond that, the city of Chatan and the ocean along Okinawa’s western coastline. Inside, all around me, I have maps and Oki-inspired art, letters from family and friends, plants that keep outgrowing their pots, and mementos of a year well spent. 

tl;dr: Okinawa is incredible; the Navy is suiting me; I’m excited for what lies ahead! Happy 2024! 

For those who prefer the extended cut: 

Work 

Sometimes I pause, in awe of the fact that I work in a hospital, that I live in Okinawa. How incredible that joining the Navy got me here! In January, I began working in our Substance Abuse Rehabilitation Program clinic, doing on-the-job training for group therapy. In May, I transitioned to the Child and Adolescent Mental Health clinic across the hall. We had high hopes of starting some children’s groups, but due to staffing shortages of providers, I mainly did administrative clinic work instead. I enjoyed helping the clinic prepare for our Joint Commission reaccreditation in June. 

In August, I began studying for the advancement exam and was happy to put an end to that in the end of September. I went from CAMH to Outpatient Mental Health. While this is where I was initially trained when I arrived last November, the transition was a bit tricky. I had much to relearn. Our roles were shifting amidst efforts to increase training and opportunities to do behavioral health work (versus front-desk work and taking vitals). Our directorate—comprised of all 3 clinics—had been experiencing significant turnover and leadership change, and the ongoing transition as we onboarded new providers and corpsmen took patience. 

In late November, I learned that I’d scored high enough on the exam to be advanced to HM2 (E-5). I was “frocked” –i.e., allowed to start wearing the rank—on December 1st. This change justifies a transition that was already in progress; I became our clinic’s Assistant Leading Petty Officer in the fall, with the expectation that I will become the acting LPO in February when my current supervisor departs. I’m excited, but I also have much to learn in the clinic and in the Navy in general; having been in for just over 2 years, I’m still very much a “boot.”

I’m excited to build my military understanding through the Naval Studies Certificate program, an accelerated 5-course series offered through the US Naval Community College. I was accepted this fall and will begin in January. I’m also hoping to complete EMT training later this year to build my corpsman skills.

It’s sometimes hard for me to explain exactly what I do as a BHT (behavioral health technician), since so much of my work is not specific to my role. I’m happy to report that I’m finally starting to screen acute walk-in patients to OMH. I’ve been leading a weekly 90-minute Mindfulness group since April. My first real introduction to the topic was in Social Psychology taught by Dr. Ellen Langer (who wrote the book Mindfulness, literally) in the fall of 2003. It’s been very enjoyable to keep learning and curating exercises for others while building my own skills. I am expecting to begin a Dialectical Behavior Therapy group for OMH soon. Exciting stuff. 

All in all, I’ve enjoyed my first year here, and I extended my orders from two years to three. I look forward to staying until November 2025 (or beyond).

Navy Life (or, becoming an adult again)

As I described last year, the transition from training to my first command meant navigating the gap between age peers and rank peers as I tried to make friends. It meant being subject to the various rules that guide one’s life—based on interesting combinations of rank, age, and marital status. I began my time here in a shared suite, without a car, living behind a fence. 

 

Still, Oki winter made for weather cool enough to start exploring off base on foot and using inter-base shuttles and local bus lines. I went on several of the tours offered through the Marine Corps Community Services. Over time, I made more friends and had opportunities to start hiking, going to the beach and museums, and exploring Okinawan food and culture.

 

In March, I had been here the requisite 90 days to request command permission for a driver’s license and vehicle. For my first-ever car purchase, I leaned into Oki’s colorful cube car trend and chose a rose-gold (OK, call it pink) Honda Life. It’s an adorable little kei car with personality, and it opened up the island for me. I look forward to many more adventures in “ma vie en rose.” 

Later in the spring, as I was submitting a request to live off-base, I was given the opportunity to move from my room in the Bachelor Enlisted Quarters to the Bachelor Officer Quarters across the street. Though I’m not an officer, people are shuffled around based on supply and demand. This meant trading a cozy suite with limited storage space, a suitemate (and her over-far-too-often boyfriend), and a partial kitchen for a private apartment-style room with my own bedroom, living room, full kitchen, and storage space. My quality of life improved immediately with space to have a friend over for conversation, more cooking flexibility, and no resentment about the whose turn it was to buy toilet paper or scrubbing the shower. 

 

It's amazing what a difference some freedom and privacy can do. Having a car and a kitchen meant that basic tasks – like dropping off a package at the post office or cooking dinner – didn’t require advance strategizing. They also made me feel like a grown-up again. 

 

Now that I’m a frocked E-5, there could come a time when I’m required to live off base due to barracks occupancy levels. To avoid a short-notice eviction, I’ve been exploring off-base apartments and will likely move outside the fence in January. While I’ll miss the convenience of being just steps away from a gym and the hospital, I’m looking forward to the possibility of  even more freedom, more space, and closer proximity to the ocean.  

Dragon Boat

A major part of my life this past year has been dragon boat, or haarii, a sport deeply engrained in Okinawa’s history. February brought three weeks of try-outs for the Navy Women’s Dragon Boat Team, Nirai Kanai, waking before 04:00 to practice paddling at the marina fifteen minutes away. I made the team, and Dragon Boat became a significant part of my life for the next seven months.

 

Our “big boat” race, for which we’d prepared over 3 months of early mornings, was held May 5 in Naha. Our team had two extra members, one of whom became injured, and I was asked to fill the role of kaneuchi – the drummer/gong-ringer who helps keep the beat set by the pacer. I agreed, knowing that if it wasn’t me, someone else would be removed from the lineup. It was harder than I expected to not paddle in the race after so much preparation. Nonetheless, it was incredible to be part of the experience. These boats and races are featured prominently in Okinawan history and art, and it was an honor to take part in this annual tradition.

 

In June, we switched to “Summer Dragons” for sabani boat racing. These 10-person boats meant different lineups for multiple races through the summer, a different paddling technique, and opportunities to actually be in a boat during practice, rather than standing or on a dock. I took part in three races and was able to support the team for three others. Our final sabani race was held September 17, though we continued to have team activities and gatherings through the fall.

 

Being part of this team has greatly enhanced my community and my fitness. While I am unsure if I will participate in the coming season, I hope to continue nurturing many of the relationships born from this team. In January, I’ll be among a group of 8 taking a trip to Ishigaki—an Okinawan Island near Taiwan—to take part in a 10K. I’m looking forward to this girls’ trip and many more adventures with these inspiring women.

 

Community Engagement & Personal Pursuits

While I’m not as immersed in the local community as I’d like, there is no shortage of opportunities within the military community. I joined a concert-style band made up mostly of civilian teachers in the DODEA system. I’ve been able to play in 3 performances, and it’s been a low-demand, high-reward addition to my life. I’ve enjoyed re-acquainting myself with percussion instruments and ensemble music.

 

Two fellow band members asked me to pet-sit their two cats and house-sit their gorgeous 9^th-floor apartment overlooking the ocean during their trip Stateside. As a side benefit, this month in my “vacation home” gave me the perfect hosting space for my mom, who made a weeklong trip over the 4^th of July. I was able to introduce her to some of my friends and coworkers, show her the spaces where I spend my time, and have some fun adventures—beachcombing for sea glass, snorkeling, and visiting castle ruins and museums. We even experienced some Okinawa nightlife with the dragon boat women for a teammate’s farewell outing. It was a quick but fruitful visit, and I’m grateful she was game to make the trip.

 

During the summer, I obtained my PADI open water dive certification with some extra assistance and extra time, as I initially found breathing through the regulator anxiety-producing. I’m grateful I stuck with it, as I've been on a couple of spectacular dives and can’t wait to keep exploring the plentiful views of coral and sea life here. 

I also joined an informal hiking group with an intrepid leader who plans weekly routes. Oki has incredible views and I look forward to continued treks with this ever-changing group of active outdoor enthusiasts. I bought a Stand-Up Paddle board and have enjoyed SUPping with friends; I entered a SUP Cup fun race and took second in the women's division. I also began taking aerial yoga in the fall. Look forward to seeing me as a P!nk backup aerial dancer any day now.

 

 

Feeling well-conditioned from dragon boat training, I completed my annual physical readiness test in mid-May, scoring “Outstanding High” – meaning I obtained the highest points possible in each component (plank, pushups, and rowing). It was my first opportunity to choose a non-running cardio option for my PRT; not running allowed me to surpass my previous performances, points-wise. Maintaining physical fitness was one of the things that attracted me to the military; when I first applied to the Navy, I worked hard to ensure I could simply pass the minimum requirements. It is rewarding to know that I am now capable of meeting the highest expectations of my age and gender peers. Repeating the performance this year will take significant effort, and I look forward to continuing to pushing myself. My directorate recently completed a Ragnar-style relay from Cape Hedo to Cape Kyan, running the length of the island from north to south. My legs of the run added up to ~17 miles, more than I planned. No doubt we’ll be doing it again soon. 

 

  

 

Volunteering is an important part of Navy culture, and tracking it is important for career advancement. It’s also great fun and a wonderful way to be civically engaged. I’m a Team Lead at our base USO; there are also tons of one-off options, so I’ve had great fun cleaning up beaches, timing swim meet races, providing corpsman coverage for range weapons qualifications or base community events, organizing thrift store inventory, donating blood, supporting command events, transporting food for the base pantry, and more.

 

I’ve amassed art supplies but haven’t established a painting practice yet, though I’ve been able to make several pieces through classes and events at the USO and Single Marine Program (a community space for unaccompanied active duty folks). I purchased a ukulele but haven’t learned much yet—and am open to FaceTime lessons if anyone wants to connect. I’m slowly, slowly picking up some Japanese characters, and my goal is to recognize hiragana and katakana, at least, though my personal deadline for doing so keeps shifting. My Japanese is woefully inadequate; once I can read the characters, I think the aural version will make more sense for me. In short—I’ve no shortage of goals and pursuits for my spare time.

 

Dating

One of the biggest differences in this chapter of my life from those that came before is in the pursuit of partnership. American men dating and marrying Japanese/Okinawan women is common, but the reverse is not; I’ve not dated anyone local. Nonetheless, I’m on an island with 20,000 Marines: mostly young, fit, unmarried men. More rotate in and out on 6-month deployments to the area. Not to be outdone, plenty of sailors, airmen, and soldiers fill the ranks of contenders in the dating game. It’s an exhilarating place to be a single woman; I can exhaust the options in my age/distance parameters on a dating app, and sign on the next day to find a host of new faces ripe for swiping.

 

As a result, I’ve had dates or romantic encounters with 25 (!) different people in the past year. It’s made for many first and second dates. Almost all of them were a perfectly pleasant few hours of my life: a coffee, a dinner, a hike, a walk along the beach; in one case, an impromptu spelunking trip to caves on some remote part of the island. A few of those people have become close friends, and we continue to spend time together and enhance each other’s lives. 

 

One might think I’m living my best cougar life. And, in a way, I am. It’s strange to have so many options after years of the opposite. I barely dated in high school or college. I had only one or two significant relationships in my 20s. My yearlong relationship at 36 was the most substantial one of my life, and even it began with a likely expiration date as I planned to join the Navy. My attempts at dating post-boot camp and pre-Okinawa were, as I stated last year, a nightmare (Sailors) and an uninspiring but refreshing breath of non-Navy air (civilians).

 

It’s fun to meet new people, to share new experiences. It’s fun to have people interested in you. It’s fun to be found attractive. I’m still overcoming long-held, insidiously buried core beliefs about my own desirability. I’m still learning how to share the whole me—the parts of me I keep tucked away at work because they don’t serve me in my current rank and role. In many ways, this series of dating adventures has been enriching.

 

In other ways, it has been draining. I have no doubt been the villain in the stories of people who wanted to pursue more with me than I with them. I have added names to my own list of villains—those who stood me up or left me feeling toyed with, dropped, discarded. Generally, there’s a mutual, tacit understanding that no romantic potential exists. While easier, that too can be tiresome, to keep trying and hoping for something so evasive.

 

After one first date this fall, a man shared his surprise at how I described my relationship history (or lack thereof). He had assumed, due to my age and single-ness, that I eschewed commitment, enjoyed being untethered, and wanted to date casually indefinitely. After we met, he said, he realized he’d been wrong: that I have a “young heart,” that I am someone who always wanted to find love but simply hadn’t yet. He was right.

 

With only one of those 25 people did I sense that the stars might be aligning, did I see the shimmer of possibility. The immediate ease, the desire for conversation to continue without end, the comfort of holding and being held, a whole world blossoming with promise and opportunity. The taste of hope. In one intimate moment, he reflected, in awe, “It’s actually happening.” It felt like it was.

 

But it was an eclipse. A cosmic phenomenon: very real, but finite. Powerful but temporary. A delicious moment sipped away (as Taylor Swift would say) like a bottle of wine.

 

So then what? I cried, cursed, reflected, wrote, shared, forgave, healed. I hold on to what I have with gratitude. I stay curious about the story still to be written.

 

It’s hard to be searching for something that so many people seem to find so easily. But my, what a scavenger hunt it’s been.

 

Family

I’m very fortunate to be able to stay in touch with loved ones at home via FaceTime, Snapchat, and other apps. My nephews are growing up, and I’ve enjoyed watching some of their concerts and competitions via YouTube—an aftereffect of Covid times. My niece Claire is a spunky, almost-two-year-old, whose extensive vocabulary includes “Hi Andrea,” “Happy Holidays,” “See ya! Love ya!” and “Touchdown, Jackrabbits!” She’s excited to become a big sister in about month. As a firstborn daughter myself, I feel a special kinship with her.

My parents and siblings are all healthy and busy with work and family. Becky has experienced some struggles moving to a group home environment, but we have faith in her. I’m grateful to my mom and sisters for the heavy lifting they are doing to help manage the bumps in this transition. Jim keeps working hard and love his cat Sardine & pup Bear; Anne & Evan are in their second year of marriage and preparing for a big move this summer. Bryce & Ronda and Alex & Beth have meaningful careers and hobbies while being great parents. A special shout-out to Michael and Megan, who became engaged this fall; Megan’s been part of the family for years, and we’re delighted she’ll be sticking around permanently. 

 

The Sutton-Talleys experienced major changes this year, adding a younger brother to the family (who is one year and one day younger than Nalerie), moving to North Dakota, and starting new jobs. Their home in Greeley held much meaning and memory for me, so it was bittersweet to watch them leave it behind, but I am so excited for this chapter and their closer proximity to almost everyone in the extended family, including my parents and siblings. Three years ago, it would have hurt my heart to even imagine being thousands of miles from baby girl, but so far, so good. I love FaceTiming their family, watching them grow, and sharing bits of Okinawa with them through letters and packages. I hope that in some small way, I’m planting seeds of curiosity about the world in Isaac, Nalerie, and Soren, as my parents did in me.

Hopes for 2024

I am honored to serve the United States and simultaneously grateful to be distant from the ongoing chaos. I am hopeful that we will figure it out and emerge a better nation in the days ahead. I’m saddened by the global conflict that seems unceasing. I’m reminded that even routine military service has dangers; the recent loss of the crew of Gundam-22 weighs heavily here, as does the loss of one of our command’s Sailors by his own hand earlier this year.

 

The best I can hope for, perhaps selfishly, is to find meaning and purpose in each day, to rise to challenges as they are presented to me. I am looking forward to 2024: to beginning the naval studies courses, snorkeling, diving, aerial yoga/dancing, exploring, traveling. To investing in my community and expanding that to include more of Okinawa. Soon, I’ll be celebrating my 40^th birthday with my dad; I’m excited to have a few adventures together on the island! It’s strange to imagine myself as 40, an age that once seemed so…old. And yet, I think of friends who have left this earth, of those who never experienced life beyond youth. As a child, we had a small painted rock that had belonged to my Grandma Timmel. It read, “Never regret growing old…it is a privilege denied many.” I feel young and am grateful for the years I’ve had. I’m grateful for each day and every breath that lies before me.

 

Wishing you a 2024 filled with peace, adventure, and joy.

 

Love,

Andrea